A.D.L. - Woman\'s Endurance
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6 Woman's Endurance.
BY A.D.L., B.A., CHAPLAIN IN THE CONCENTRATION CAMP, BETHULIE,
O.R.C., 1901.
CAPE TOWN: PRINTED BY S.A. NEWS CO., LTD., 1904.
To THE REV. H.C.J. BECKER, OF BETHULIE, O.R.C.
PREFACE.
_DEAR READER_,--
_A perusal of the following "Introduction" by the Author, and of his
true and touching "Diary," will assuredly carry the conviction into
your own soul, if you still require conviction, that our South
African women were the heroines of the late deplorable war._
_May this pathetic relation bring us all nearer to one another in
sympathy and love; and serve to awaken in every woman's breast the
desire to emulate and perpetuate the pure faith and noble devotion
which these Sisters of ours have handed down to us and to all
posterity as their priceless legacy._
_In undertaking the responsibility for the publication of this
"Diary," I may simply state that the proceeds will be given towards
the support of the Orphanage at Bethulie._
_Yours, etc.,_
D. DE VILLIERS,
_Secretary, Boer Relief Committee_.
CAPE TOWN.
INTRODUCTION.
This Journal was written in the Bethulie Concentration Camp just two
years ago.
A few days after my return from Europe (whither I had gone for six
months on the completion of a Theological course at Stellenbosch), a
telegram came from the Deputy Administrator of the Orange River
Colony, through the Rev. Wm. Robertson, inviting me to work as
Chaplain in one of the Concentration Camps.
The Rev. Mr. Pienaar, who had received a similar invitation, and I
therefore journeyed down to Bloemfontein a few days later. We
received great courtesy at the hands of Sir Hamilton Gould-Adams, the
Deputy Administrator, and every kindness from Mr. Robertson.
In a few days it was finally decided that Mr. Pienaar should go to
Irene, in the Transvaal, and I to the Concentration Camp at Bethulie.
Thither I forthwith travelled, arriving at my destination on the 21st
August.
The thought suggested itself the very first day that I might desire,
in after years, to recall my experiences in Camp, and so I decided to
keep a diary. This thought, and this alone, prompted me in the
matter. Of an evening, therefore, just before retiring, I noted down
the doings of the day, consulting at such times always my pocket
note-book.
What was written was done hurriedly, on the impulse of the moment--in
fact, simply scribbled down without, of course, any regard to style,
language, or form. Stress of circumstances must be held responsible
for the many undignified expressions in which the Diary abounds. It
should not be forgotten, moreover, that I was usually tired out after
the day's work, when these entries were made.
For almost a year the Diary lay in my desk before I could summon
courage to re-read it. After it had been hidden again for another
year, I rashly promised a sick friend to send it for her to read.
Fearing, however, that she would not be able to follow all the
contractions, I decided to copy it over, and it was while thus
engaged that it became clear to me that it should be published. Cui
bono? is of course, the question which must be faced. The only answer
I wish to plead is that this work is a tribute to Woman's Endurance,
and that it presents in the story of that endurance, and the
fortitude of the Dutch women and children, one of the nobler aspects
of the late war. And is not this plea enough? Cannot we sometimes
forget the inevitable political aspect of things and see beyond into
the human?
In conclusion, this: A diary is simply a confidential talk to one's
self of one's self--such is its prerogative. While, then, sending
forth into publicity this Journal in its entirety, so as not to mar
its integrity, need it be suggested how hard it is occasionally to
lay bare the naked soul within?
Durbanville,
Cape Colony,
September, 1903.
* * * * *
NOTE.
As reproduced here, the Diary is substantially the same as the
original, except for:--
1. Contractions, which are written out.
2. Slang, for which, where it could be done, inoffensive words are
substituted.
In form it is given absolutely unchanged.
I have found it necessary to add a number of notes, and to translate
all the Dutch.
DIARY.
CHAP. I.
Bethulie Concentration Camp, August, 1901.
Wednesday, August 21.--Arrived station 8.30 a.m. (from Bloemfontein);
tedious delay; no pass to village obtainable, official in village for
breakfast; number of refugees in same train, among them a sick girl,
with fever: "Pappie, Pappie, ach mij ou Pappie!" ("Daddy, daddy! O my
dear daddy!" Thus she cried whenever she was touched, as they carried
her out of the train, and lifted her on to the wagon. She was
fever-stricken and terribly emaciated. (Reference is made later to
this same girl.) Alas! Arrival village; visit parsonage (Becker's);
dinner; things forwarded per wagon; arrival camp (mile out); meet
superintendent; given a tent; dust; misery; the Van As's offer me a
home; kind; bitter cold night; leakage; bad draught; bad cold; feel
lonesome; orphanish; pipe to rescue; great consolation.
* * * * *
Thursday, August 22.--My tent untenable position; in the
thoroughfare; speak Superintendent; obtain new site; private; buy 150
bricks 1s. 6d., hire three boys, barrow 1s. 3d.; with miershoop
(antheap, excellent for making floor) make brick kraal; hard work;
Mr. Van As[1] and Fourie grand; fine floor.
First visits: Young girl, orphan, bad; Weinanda, little girl, "Ja
Oom, ik is nou bij mij Mamie" ("Yes, Uncle, now I am with my
mother"); mind wanders. Third tent: Two babies wrestling with death;
mothers raadeloos (in despair); 486[2], wife, babe at breast,
measles; daughter, 14, convalescent; behind screen three children
sick, measles; condition pitiable; husband prisoner Ladismith; great
dirt; unbearable; the pity of it!
Pitch tent; wet floor; inside dire confusion.
Meeting Church-square thirty-nine elders[3]; each a block; prayer;
introduction Rev. Becker; kind words and cheer.
Early bed; restless night; hospital close by; commotion; groans;
fifteen buried to-day; service for Mr. Van As.
* * * * *
Friday, August 23.--Early bird; wash spruit[4]; first shave (tears);
Van As coffee; pathetic sight; old man leading old wife back to tent
from hospital; Hugo; son just died.
Visit Hugo's; dinner Van As; outspan (rest); cigar grand.
Unpack; three Red Cross boxes (gift of the chemist); order out of
chaos; spirits revive; visits 2.5 p.m.
Dying child; mother broken-hearted.
Dying mother; clear doorway; deathbed grim attraction for our people;
prayer; understands.
Widow; husband found dead outside in night; heart disease.
Sick child (since dead); sick child; sweet face; Louw.
Visit sick child of yesterday, also Weinanda.
Stray; hear cough; enter; father invalid (wife dead); three sick
children; youngest very bad.
Comfort mother of dead child.
Funerals (seven), Mr. Becker: "I was dumb and opened not my mouth."
Burial ground; about 120 graves; weeping mothers; visit dying child;
fool of myself, broke down in prayer; the helplessness in presence of
Death!
Throat hoarse; dead off; return tent; meditate; convinced this work
the very hardest in whole world.
Avoid taking guide next time (handicapped).
Neglected to visit 486 and mothers of yesterday's dying children.
Stienie[5]; down measles; jelly.
Mr. Otto's dear loving daughter[6] died hospital.
Fourteen corpses (in morgue tents).
Very many old friends all about of Papa's and Oom Jacob's[7].
One man disappointed; had expected Oom Jacob.
Night: Strains of Psalm-singing; calm and fresh after shower of
rain; follow ear; Snyman; short conversation.
* * * * *
Saturday, August 24.--Evening: Coughing; wailing; crying; groaning.
Exhausting day; pure, clear air after refreshing rain.
The misery in our Camp heart-rending; hopeless to cope with work.
Up early; coffee in hospital kitchen; work.
235a; six orphans; baby; dirt; sad!
241; mother died to-day suddenly.
239; boy 12, Ignatius; malignant growth shoulder; hopeless; pining
away.
249; child; measles.
468; Venter; motherless infants; all sick; food scarce; despair;
powerful grandmother (arms!); daughter; all measles; "Ziet, minheer,
die dochter is nog'n lady: sij is nie getrouwd nie" ('This daughter,
sir, is still a lady; she is not yet married'); Bengers; beef tea.[8]
485; Van Heerde; mother and tentful of sick children; pitiable;
camphor; brandy.
487; Engelbrecht; Mrs. P. de Lint[9]; wonderful discovery; yet withal
sad; father India; children ill; wife broken-hearted; great
rejoicing; thanksgiving for change.
321; Old Mr. De Villiers, grand old man; great cheer to myself.
268; Mrs. De Villiers; five children sick.
383; mother died last week; daughter this morning; "Minheer, dit was
de prachtigste sterfbed wat ik ooit gezien het" ('Sir, it was the
most beautiful deathbed I have ever seen'); "Dag, tante, ik gaat naar
die Heere Jesus toe" ('Good-bye, Aunt, I am going to the Lord
Jesus'); remaining daughter very, very bad; "Minheer, moet assemblief
bid dat ik kan gezond word" ('Sir, you must pray, please, that I may
recover'); little hope; inflammation.
292; Van der Berg; wife died last night.
81; casual visit; Mrs. Van Staden; Mrs. Otto; sick children.
80; Mrs. Van der Merwe died to-day; old lady, Mrs. Pienaar, ill in
bed; when I repeated some verses Gezang 65[10], old lady forestalled
me line for line.
612; "Ach mij lieve ou Pappie"; better.
Five hours' incessant work; wearisome; thank God when twilight comes.
Work here for ten men; no chance alone; no show; the helplessness of
it all! and there are hundreds sick and dying that I know not of, and
that I could not visit even should I know.
My brothers-elders must help me more.
Had I not seen body of 80 removed I should never have known.
Funerals this morning; twelve; rude coffins; rough and ready biers
(six); young Hugo; "Gelijk een bloem des velds" ("As for man his days
are as grass; as a flower of the field so he flourisheth")[11]
Visit Mrs. Liebenberg, whose girlie was buried; prostrate; never saw
glimpse of Mr. Becker.
Great concern because of the difficulty of cleanliness amid such dire
straits; point determined; to warn and exhort one and all to the
strictest cleanliness[12]; for "cleanliness is next to godliness."
Saw long convoy travelling past.
Eighteen corpses in morgue tents.
* * * * *
Sunday, August 25.--Longish day.
235a; six orphans[13]; nice and clean; very satisfactory; boy bad.
383; still same; poor girl.
113; death; child; much misery; Olivier.
Church 1.30; open air; glorious weather; attentive congregation;
singing impressive; majority stand; grand pulpit(!); regular rostrum.
Afternoon work begins 2 p.m., ends 7 p.m.; incessant, wearying.
Twenty-eight visits.
Our Camp one large hospital, with hundreds wrestling with measles,
pneumonia, fever. The sorrow of it that I never can sit down and say,
"Now I have visited all the sick." There are hundreds of whom I know
nothing.
Horrible whistle that! It signals the morgue tent people to come and
remove the dead. It is Death's shrill, harsh, jarring, triumphant
shout! It shivers one through.
176; great misery.
235b; child died; food needed.
375; dead child.
175; a most harrowing spectacle; Badenhorst; old father; old mother;
bedridden 15-year-old boy; water head; simple; old mother feeds it
mouth to mouth[14]; "Die kind, leeraart, het ik nou al lang afgege
aan de Heere Jesus!" (This child, Pastor, I have given to the Lord
Jesus long ago.") She dotes on this imbecile, poor mother. Such a
simple, homely, gladsome, believing old heart. "Ik ben velen een
wonder geweest" ("I am a wonder unto many"); me certainly; daughter
with sick girlie; "De Heere het haar ver ons terug gege" ("The Lord
has given her back to us"); there was a fire in their tent, and this
young mother was badly burnt to the bone (wrist).
169; Heever; four children; all sick.
450; great distress; Du Toit; child sick; no nourishment; young
mother sick; only child dead.
526; De Wet; daughter delirious; dying; two others sick on the floor;
pathetic.
372; Kotze; baby dying; two others sick; great friends Oom Jacob.
156; Joubert (or Ackerman); daughter; floor; dying; measles and
pneumonia.
15; Barnard; two daughters; one dangerously sick; poor anxious
mother! While hurrying to relieve with some beef tea and Benger's
Food stopped on way by desperate mother.
471; Marais; eight children; all sick; no nourishment; two very bad.
To think of it!
After tea called to 235; orphans; boy very bad; sisters' tears.
Also 211; Roux; daughter; pneumonia.
Again 383; much drawn to that child; large, soft, trustful brown
eyes; asked yesterday that I pray she might get well; to-day
otherwise; trusting.
Distributed beef tea and Benger's food to some very urgent cases; the
thankfulness melts one's heart.
Funerals; fourteen.
Found on getting home plate food on box; enjoyed same at tea; great
cheer to be with the Van As's.
Closed Sunday School; children sing "Dat's Heeren Zegen!" ("The
blessing of the Lord descend on thee.")
* * * * *
Monday, August 26.--That imbecile boy died to-day; the old mother
sent for me, but I found no time to go.
Don't think 526 will last long; gave candles, beef tea and Benger's
Food this evening.
383 much better; smiled this morning when I entered.
339; great tribulation; six deaths in one week.
440; girlie; sweet face; wonder if she will die or live; very, very
bad; Cloete.
288; Mrs. Venter; young wife; sick; five children sick; gave beef tea
and Benger's Food.
352; the lost little lamb found; one of my first, whose number I had
omitted to take; Weinanda; five years; pining away; large grey eyes;
far-away look; poor little mite; Ken jij ver mij, me kind?" (Do you
still remember me, child?") "Ja, Oom; Oom is de Predikant" ("Yes,
Uncle; Uncle is the Minister"). "Is Weinanda blij dat Oom weer gekom
het?" ("Is Weinanda glad that Uncle has come again?") "Ja, Oom; Oom
is goed om te kom" ("Yes, Uncle; it was good of Uncle to come")
Wonder if I really am rather soft; but when this little mite clasped
her tiny hands together when Oom began to pray, I was bowled clean
over.
35, 156, 15 rather better.
At 34 found old friends of Oom Jacob; Wernich; the old woman weak;
very nice to meet so many great friends of Oom Jacob and of Papa from
Colesberg; old Mr. Du Plessis can't get over it.
Wasted much time at weekly meeting of the Elders; impatient; each
Elder has block of sixteen tents to care for; heard reports; nearly
all report general sickness. The amount of sickness just now is
terrible; a vast hospital; the bitter cold nights play havoc; most
lie on the hard bare ground.
Fighting grimly with uncleanliness; the idea that it is dangerous to
wash with measles; rot!
Another great point; must insist that friends and relatives abstain
from all long-faced despondency, with total absence of any cheer and
hopefulness; this bad effect on patients; if anyone seriously ill,
they "hands up" and cluster around to await the end, lest perchance
they miss seeing "zoo 'n prachtige sterfbed" (such a beautiful
deathbed).
Mrs. Botha (outer Camp) sent for me; penitent; wonder if it is only
the fear that drives her, or whether it is a genuine case of true
repentance; she has measles badly.
91; mother sick; five children (and one in hospital).
Sad about 398; buried two children this afternoon; this is the third;
mother also dead; husband sick; glad I found time to see him; poor
fellow.
458; great distress; old grandmother; sick mother; sick children; no
nourishment; no candles; very helpless; Benger's Food, beef tea, and
candles.
Made only about twenty-two visits to-day.
Relieved Mr. Becker funeral service; seven this afternoon; had no
time to prepare; reckless; got through somehow; "Het wordt gezaaid in
verderfelijkheid, het wordt opgewekt in onverderfelijkheid" (It is
sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption).
"Ja, leeraar, hier in ons Kamp wordt daar nie droppels tranen gestort
nie maar emmers vol" ("Yes, Pastor, here in our Camp it is not drops
but bucketsful of tears that are shed").
There are about a dozen corpses in morgue tents just now.
* * * * *
Tuesday, August 27.--The blessedness of eventide.
Letters from Issie and Louise; seem to have forgotten for a brief
space the sorrows around.
Record day so far; visited thirty-five tents; very hard task. It is
so delightful to offer up a thanksgiving prayer for a change; the
usual "noodgebed" (emergency prayer) is most wearying. Thank God,
that in some I found "beterschap" (convalescence).
Am striking out in new direction now; there is too much despondency
and heaviness of spirit rampant; anyhow, extremely difficult task,
for the conditions all around are most lamentably depressing.
Am going to sew blankets into bag this evening, a la Hanglip[15];
last night bitterly cold; frost this morning; to-day very hot again;
these two extremes so disastrous to the sick.
440 little better, and 383 much better.
190; Mrs. Taljard died last night.
Deaths at 201, 312, and 460 also; and all these had never yet been
visited. Here is where the dissatisfaction comes in; and yet, how am
I to know?
In 436 a child died; mother in great sorrow.
Next to 416 is Mrs. Van der Walt; very sick; not at all serene
within; such cases very hard. While at dinner suddenly called to Mrs.
Van der Walt--death's throes; prayer; when at dinner, on return,
heard the horrible whistle go.
Our wood is done, and there remains nothing wherewith to make
coffins; will have to bury in blankets to-morrow I fear; this will
cause extra affliction and unhappiness. Pitiable to see husband of
Mrs. Van der Walt pleading for boxes which could not be given; and he
was "schatryk" (very rich) they say. There will be a great outcry,
I'm afraid. And yet, after all, will a coffin save the soul?
After dinner, 169; baby died; mother sorely stricken.
Visited old mother in 25 again, and spoke few words of cheer; she is
an old Christian; blessed me for coming.
In luck's way to-day; felt inclined for handwash, and was taken into
tent 335; Horak's; relations of old Jaap's[16]; nice, clean, tidy;
delighted; happiness; mother; daughter; autoharp; lemon syrup; must
go again if I can.
"Wie is daar? Wat is dit?" ("Who is there? What is it?")
"Zal Minheer L---- assemblief gou kom naar Mrs. Meintjes? Zij le op
sterve!" ("Will Mr. L---- please come quickly to Mrs. Meintjes? She is
dying!")
Just returned; delirious; called her by name after prayer, and she
became conscious for a few seconds; fear her moments on earth are
numbered. How good of those girls to watch over her! Husband rushed
out of tent in tears. Now, what could I do?
"Is there no pity sitting in the clouds can see into the bottom of
our grief?"
10 p.m., walked through Camp.
Great coughs; little coughs; deep coughs; shrill coughs; hoarse
coughs; long coughs; short coughs; coughs that are no coughs at all.
Wonder how many are to die to-night!
* * * * *
Wednesday, August 28.--Now if there is anything that rubs me up the
wrong way, it is to see a crowd around a tent doorway, watching the
end. Yesterday I lost my temper at 35, and gave it hot all round.
Such barefaced curiosity is revolting; I hate it.
Yes, 35 (21 years) passed away last night, and so did 415 (Mrs.
Meintjes), whom I visited late last evening.
This morning the black list was laid on my table; twelve[17] in the
night--339, 415, 125, 253, 180, 526, 419, 35, 353, 450, I didn't
expect 415 to live long.
The night has been a most restless one; "Ja, minheer, ons het
vannacht nie rust gehad nie" ("Yes, sir, we had no rest last night")
(morgue tents men).
I woke at 2 a.m. with the tramp of these bearers removing
corpses[18].
One longs for day, and the night seems never to end.
Twice funerals--morning at 11 a.m. (six), "Leer ons alzoo onze dagen
tellen" ("So teach us to number our days"); afternoon, 4 p.m. (six),
"En de dooden werden geoordeeld uit hetgeen in de boeken geschreven
was, naar hunne werken" ("And the dead were judged out of those
things which were written in the books, according to their works").
Our wood has given in, and we are forced to bury in blankets. But let
me not think on it! It is painful to remember, and our people feel
very deeply.
The Van der Walts managed to put together an apology for a coffin,
and there was something pathetically comic about that production. I
think it was made of candle and milk boxes.
That reminds me, what queer pastimes some folks can have. One man
casually informed me that he attends all the funerals! But some folks
unconsciously delight to wander in the sombre shadows of life. A
funeral to me is a most fatiguing duty; more so when one has to give
an address at the graves, and there is no time for preparation except
on the march to the burying ground. I am getting reckless, for I am
forced absolutely to rely on impromptu grace. I tremble, when I think
what I risk each day.
Visits only a dozen, owing to funerals.
Sad about 91; very bad.
599, 602, 606, 16, 238, 327, all new tents, with great affliction;
must go soon again.
Called to 117; Nel; young wife; just received tidings of her
husband's death in Ceylon; desperately stricken; hard, hard case.
Called to hospital; Annie Bothma[19]; strong young girl (twenty);
very bad; just struggling to live; mother holding hand. Foeitog!
(alas!) So well and strong; horrid pneumonia; have visited her again,
and cannot get reconciled that she should die. And yet she yearns to
be "ontbonden" (loosed), and begs of me to pray to that effect. Now,
God forgive me, but this dying girl's request I cannot, cannot accede
to. Humanly speaking, she simply cannot live; it is only her
abnormally strong constitution that fights so grimly. I have wrestled
with God for her life. Oh, she must not, may not, die! Think of the
weak, frail mother--of the father far, far away in Ceylon! "O ye of
little faith"; and yet I firmly believe God can still spare her life.
Yesterday, row about the miserable meat[20]. Some women rather
violent and loose with tongue; to-day committed to imprisonment.
Yesterday my letters were returned by the Censor. I boiled over for
some time; such a little snob, who is too big for his boots!
Pinpricks; will fight it out to-morrow.
* * * * *
Thursday, August 29.--Went back to hospital after writing above, and
then I did indeed pray as the sick girl desired. God took her home at
about two this morning. Poor child! she did suffer so very much, and
yet withal so patiently; "Die doctor het mij gif ingespuyt en gif
ingege daarom lei ik zoo zwaar" ("The doctor injected poison into me,
and gave me to take poison; that is why I suffer so bitterly"); very
likely morphia had to be injected. Whenever I repeated a verse to her
she would say the lines in advance.
After breakfast I went to village for first time; saw Magistrate;
obtained residential pass; hunted high and low for boards for coffin
for Annie Bothma. At last, after despairing search, succeeded in
getting six boards and two boxes; hope they will be enough wherewith
to fashion some sort of a coffin.
Dined with the Beckers.
Deaths last night--8, 129, 401, 52, 427, 213, 239, and one in
hospital.
Very trying afternoon among the dying.
One woman just giving her last breath when I entered to pray for her;
lamentation. Roaring lion, because of the crowd of inquisitives;
stood at doorway and addressed them; said I was ashamed of their
conduct; boiled over. Simply will not stand such things; and yet such
things are inevitable with a camp of 650[21] tents all crowded
together; with hundreds swarming all over, and countless children. Am
going to put a stop to children visiting morgue tents[22]; should not
be allowed; will see Superintendent to-morrow.
91 very bad.
I usually make a last round after the day's work to take Benger's
Food and beef tea, etc., to urgent cases. When I got to 268, found
she had died soon after my visit.
Have written to Issie and Mr. Robertson.
Wonder how long my things will last, and what I shall do after that.
Dead tired.
* * * * *
Friday, August 30.--Village; morning visits.
Found 91 died in night.
Dropped in to speak few words to old woman in 25; don't think she
will last very long.
79; boy sick; relapse; Van der Berg; baby died yesterday
Mrs. Castelan lies sick in 76; husband Bloemfontein Camp; three
children sick; also daughter just out of hospital (1-1/4 months).
Called in at 217; Du Preez; very nice, clean people; daughter very
sick; pneumonia; found her very much distressed, and that because the
thought of being buried without coffin was so repulsive; "Net sous
een beest" (just like an animal). We must not anticipate God!
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