Captain Samuel Brunt - A Voyage to Cacklogallinia

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What astonished me, was to see such a Number of Corn-fields and
Pasture-grounds, in a flourishing Condition, and well fenced, and yet
not meet with the least Track or Path. However, I walk'd on till about
Three o' Clock, as I guess'd by the Sun, which, tho' it was excessive
hot, was no way uneasy to me, being flickered by the Hedges. Being come
to the Banks of a large River, bordered with Cedars, the tallest I ever
saw, and being under no Apprehension of wild Beasts in a Country so well
cultivated, I laid me down under one of the largest, and slept till the
Sun was near setting; and doubtless, not having closed my Eyes the Night
before, I should have continued my Nap, had I not been wakened with the
Sound of human Voices.

I started up, and look'd round me, but could perceive nothing like a
Man. I then holloo'd, and heard somebody say, _Quaw shoomaw_: I
answered, _Quaw shoomaw_; upon which I heard Two speak, and answer each
other, as I thought, over my Head. I look'd up, but could, by reason of
the Thickness and Height of the Tree, see nothing. I went some Paces
from it, and looking up again, I heard a Voice, which utered these Words
hastily, _Quaw shoomaw? starts_; which is, having afterwards learned the
Language, _Who art thou? stand_.

Hardly had these Words reached my Ears, when I saw a Cock and Hen fly
down from the Tree, and light near me; they were about Six Foot tall,
and their Bodies somewhat larger than a good Weather. The Cock who was
the larger the Two, coming pretty near me, tho' he discover'd in his
Eyes both Fear and Astonishment, repeated the Words, _Quaw shoomaw_. The
Hen, who kept a greater Distance, cried out, _Ednu sinvi_, which I since
learn'd, is, _Whence come you?_

I was as much surprized to hear Fowls speak, as they were to see such a
Monster as I appeared to be. I answer'd in her own Words, _Ednu sinvi_,
upon which she ask'd me, I suppose, a String of Questions, with a
Loquacity common to the sex and then fell a cackling. Three or four
Chickens came running to her, and at the Sight of me hid their Heads
under their Mother's Wing, as I suppos'd her. One of them, who was a
Cock not above Five Foot high, at last took Courage to peep out, and
said something to his Father; and, as I guess taking Courage from what
Answer he return'd, ventured to approach me. He walk'd round me tho'
he kept some Distance, and spoke in a threatning Tone. I answer'd in
a melancholy one, and in my own Language, That I was an unfortunate
shipwreck'd Man. The Youngster, I suppose, thinking me a harmless
Animal, ventured to strike at me, and if I had not avoided the Stroke,
I believe he had split my Skull, for his Spurrs were about Eighteen
Inches long, near Five about, and as sharp as Needles.

I saw his Father angry at this Proceeding, and he gave him a terrible
Cuff with his Wing, and sent him home. Then speaking to me, he made
Signs I should follow him; I understood, and obey'd him. After we had
pass'd a small Copse of about a Quarter of a Mile, we came into a fine
Meadow, where we saw several Hens milking Goats; they sat on their
Rumps, and were as dextrous with their two Feet, as any of our
Dairy-Maids with their Hands. They carried two Pails a-piece with a
Yoke, like our Tub-women; and indeed there are not in _Europe_ any who
exceed this Nation in Mechanicks, as far as they are useful to them. I
have seen a _Cacklogallinian_ (for so they call themselves) hover with
a Pair of Sheers in his two Feet, and cut Trees with all the Regularity
imaginable; for, in a Walk of a League long, which is very common before
the Houses of the Nobility, you won't see (not to say a Bough, but even)
a Leaf grow beyond the rest. They are the best Weavers in the Universe,
and make Cloath of stript Feathers, which they have the Art of spinning,
and which is the Staple Commodity of the Kingdom; for no Feathers are
comparable to these for this Manufacture. When I pass'd the Meadow,
every one quitted her Employment to come and stare at me; they all spoke
together so loud, and with such Volubility, that I almost fancied my
self among a Score of Gammers at a Country Christening.

This Meadow led to a Farm House which belonged to my Guide, or more
properly, Master; for I soon was made sensible, that they look'd upon me
as an irrational Beast, of a Species hitherto unknown to them. We were
no sooner within Doors, than the Family flock'd round to admire me,
asking Abundance of Questions which I did not understand. One of the
Hens brought me a Bowl of Goats Milk, which I received very thankfully,
and drank off. They then offer'd me Corn, which I rejecting, one of
them went out, and fetch'd me a Piece of boil'd Mutton; for these
_Cacklogallinians_, contrary to the Nature of _European_ Cocks, live
mostly on Flesh, except the poorer Sort, who feed on Grain. They do not
go to Roost, but lye on Feather-beds and Matrass, with warm Coverings;
for, at the setting of the Sun, there falls so great a Dew, that I was,
in the Night, as sensible of Cold, as ever I was in _Europe_ in the
Winter.

After I had eat my Piece of Meat, a Bed was made for me in my Master's
Chamber, whither he conducted me. He made Signs, that I should lye down,
and was not a little astonish'd, I perceived, to see me open the
Bedding, go into it, and cover my self up. The pulling off my Cloaths he
did not wonder at, for the Rich and Great among 'em wear Mantles, and
cover their Legs with fine Cloath.

I slept very heartily, and very much at my Ease. My Master, who was a
rich Farmer, went the next Day to _Ludbitallya_, the Metropolis of the
Kingdom, about Forty Miles from his Home, to acquaint his Landlord
who was a Minister of State, what a Rarity he had in Possession.
He set out about Six in the Morning, and returned at Noon; for the
_Cacklogallinians_ will fly at the Rate of Twenty Miles an Hour. His
Landlord came in less than that Space after in great State. He was
preceded by Half a Dozen Servants, who carried large Battens in their
right Feet, and made no Ceremony of knocking any on the Head who came
in their Way. He was in a sort of Palanquin, covered with fine Cloth,
and powdered with silver Stars in Circles, supported by four
_Cacklogallinians_ adorn'd with silver Chains. As to his Person, he was
about Nine Foot high when he stood upright, and very corpulent; for,
what is wonderful among these People (if I may be allow'd that Term)
they grow in Bulk, and their Appetites increase in Proportion to their
Riches and Honour, of which I was an Eye-witness in the Persons of my
Master and his Male Children, for the Females are not perceivably
affected with a Change of Fortune. This holds good in its Opposite, for
Adversity will bring down the tallest to the Size or a Dwarf, that is,
to Three Foot.

But to return to this Minister, whose Name was _Brusquallio_. He was
cover'd with a rich loose Garment embroider'd, and wore on his Neck a
yellow, green and red Ribbon, from which hung a Gold Medal of a Cock
trampling on a Lion, which is the Badge of the greatest Honour the
Emperor of _Cacklogallinia_ can bestow on a Subject. He had a great
Number of Followers, who paid him a sort of Adoration. When he alighted,
my Master met him on the Out-side of the Door, threw himself on his
Belly, and held his Beak to the Ground, till the other order'd him to
rise; for I have since learnt both their Customs and Language. When he
came in, I was brought to him.

My Master, as I have since learnt, told his Lordship, that he fancied I
had some Glimmerings of Reason, notwithstanding the hideous Make of my
Person, and gave for an Instance, my getting into my Bed as decently as
a _Cacklogallinian_; and that of my Species certainly had a Language
among 'em, for he had heard me very distinctly utter some unintelligible
Words, and even repeat some after him.

I threw my self on my Knees, and in the most humble Posture address'd my
self to his Lordship, telling him in _English_, that I was a harmless
unfortunate Man, who was cast upon their Coast, was an Object of
Compassion, and below their Anger; that as I never did, nor meant Harm
to any, I hoped to experience his Lordship's Mercy.

He seem'd highly delighted to hear me speak, and viewed me with a
visible Surprize. My Master coming to me, said, _Ednu sinvi_? which I
repeated after him (as I perceiv'd he was desirous I should) to the
great Satisfaction of the Minister, who, as I have since known, desired
to purchase, have me taught the _Cacklogallinian_ and Court Language
(for the Court did not speak that of the Country, for a Reason hereafter
to be mention'd) and present me to his Imperial Majesty, as the greatest
Rarity in Nature. When he bid my Master set a Price, he answer'd, That
his Lordship's doing him the Honour to accept such a Trifle from his
Slave, he esteem'd beyond any Sum of Money, notwithstanding his Poverty.

Well, _says the Grandee_, bring him to me to-morrow, I accept the
Present, and you shall have no Reason to repent your trusting to me.

The Minister got into his Palanquin, and his four Bearers flew off with
him with that incredible Swiftness, his Attendance had much ado to keep
up with it.

The next Morning, my Master taking me by the Sleeve with his Beak,
led me out of Doors, and then walk'd forward. I stood still, and he
returned, pull'd me by the Coat, and walk'd on again; by which I guess'd
he would have me follow him, as I accordingly did, accompanied by one of
his Servants, who kept by my Side. He went too fast, for me to keep him
Company; which he perceiving, spoke to the Servant, and they took Wing
together, and each of them laying hold on an Arm, lifted me about Thirty
Foot from the Ground, and in Four Hours, alighted about a Quarter of a
Mile distant from a very large Town.

I had forgot to acquaint the Reader, that before I began this airy
Journey, my Master took a Mantle, which his Servant carried under his
Wing, and cover'd me, that I had only an Open to see and respire: This
was to prevent the Impertinence he might expect from the Mob at the
Sight of such a Novelty as I was.

When we alighted, he made Signs to me to lye down, sent his Servant to
the Town, and cover'd me all over. The Servant soon returned with a
close Palanquin, which they made me Signs to go into, and I was in an
Instant hurried thro' the Air, and set down in a Stable Yard, and
conducted from thence into a little House, to which this Yard afforded
the only Passage. Both the Avenue, and the Smallness of the House no way
answerable to the Charge and Titles of the Minister to whom it belong'd,
were Matter of Surprize to me; tho' I since learnt it was in him Policy,
that he made no greater Figure in Town than a private Gentleman, not to
encrease the Number of those who envied him; for tho' he was now Nine
Foot high, yet in a late Reign he was dwindled from the Height peculiar
to the Rank of his Family, of Six Foot Nine Inches, to Three Foot Ten.
In the Country, I was told his Seat far exceeded any of the Royal
Palaces, tho' as yet not finish'd, and both his Furniture and Equipage
were answerable; and he never travelled without a great Number of
Servants, who join'd him a Mile or two without the Gates.

This great Person shewed me to his family, every one of which admired
me as a most monstrous Production of Nature. My Master was rewarded,
by being made _Nosocomionarcha_, or Paymaster to the Invalids, had the
Title of _Quityardo_, which answers to our _Squire_, conferred on him,
and was ever after a Favourite of the Minister. He sprung up immediately
Nine Inches higher, grew considerably more bulky, and would eat you
Three or Four _Cacklogallinian_ Chicks in a Day; for the Ministers,
and those in Post, feed on their own Species, and not one of the poorer
Sort is in any Security of their Lives, in case a hungry Grandee sets
his Eyes on, and has a Mind to him. Nay, the slavish Spirit of the
_Cacklogallinians_ is such, that many of them, thro' Folly or
Superstition, will come in Bodies to the House of a Minister, and beg as
the greatest Favour and Honour, they and their Families may be served up
to his Lordship's Table; and I have seen the Fools, who had thus offered
themselves, and been accepted, if there was not immediate Occasion for
them, strut in the Streets with a Chain of Silver about their Necks,
which they look'd upon as the greatest Honour; and when call'd for by
his Lordship's Cook, run exulting, and offer their Throats to his Knife;
tho' this Nation was, in Time past, the bravest, and the most tenacious
of their Liberty, of any of the feather'd Race. But I have digress'd too
far.

My new Master, or, more properly, Lord, order'd an Apartment and a Table
for me, with a Tutor to teach me the Languages, by whose Diligence, and
my own _Avidity_ of Learning, I began in Four Months to understand a
great Part of what was said to me; and my Lord was so very much pleased
at my Progress, that he gave my Tutor a Post, which raised him about
Four Inches. My Lord forbore asking me any Questions concerning my self,
till I was perfectly Master or the Languages, which I was in about
Eleven Months.

He one Day sent for me into his Chamber, and accosted me in the
following Words:

Probusomo (_which is, Monster of Nature, the Name he gave me_)
I have suspended my Curiosity of enquiring whence, and how you came
into this Kingdom, till we could perfectly understand each other,
that I might not be troubled with an imperfect Relation: Now that
you are Master of our Language, tell me of what Part of the World
you are; whether you are of savage, or a civiliz'd Nation? if of the
latter, what is your Policy, what are your Manners and Customs, and
what Accident brought you hither?

I threw my self on my Face, and kiss'd his right golden Spur (for the
Grandees saw off those which Nature has provided them, and substitute
these in their Places) then rising, I answer'd, That I was of _Europe_,
a Country so distant from _Cacklogallinia_, that I was near Six Moons at
Sea, before I was cast on its Coast.

Why, _said he_, is it possible you can swim so long? for you being
destitute of Wings, can have no other Method of passing so vast a
Water.

I told him we pass'd the Seas in Ships, and gave him a Description of
them, but could not make him have the least Idea of what I meant, till
the next Day, that I hollow'd, shap'd, and rigg'd a Piece of Cork, made
Sails of fine Linnen, and brought it to his Excellency in a Bason of
Water. I told him, we were a civiliz'd Nation, and govern'd by a King,
who however did nothing without the Advice of his Great Council, which
consisted of Grandees born to that Honour, and _Quityardo's_ elected by
the People to represent them. That, to these Representatives the People
had delegated the Power of acting for them, and entrusted their Liberty
and Estates to their Probity; consequently nothing could be supposed to
be done by the Prince, but by the universal Consent of the Nation, and
the People could bear no Burthens, but what they voluntarily took upon
themselves for the common Good.

I have never, _answer'd he_, read, that any of your Species was seen
in this Kingdom before you; but it is certain you must have copy'd
your Policy from us. But, said he, are all these Representatives
publick-spirited, zealous for the common Welfare, Proof against
Preferments, Titles, and private Advantages? Have they always the
Good of the Nation at Heart so far, as to prefer it to that of their
Families? Do they sollicite the People to chuse them, or are they
their free Choice? If the latter, what Amends do the People make to
these Representatives, who neglect their private Affairs, to apply
themselves to those of the Publick?

I told his Excellency, that I did not doubt their being such Men as he
spoke them; that I was very young when I left my Country, and beside I
was not born in a Rank which, had I been of riper Years, permitted me to
meddle with State Affairs: However, I had heard from my Elders, that
none were elected, till the King sent his Mandates to the several
Provinces, ordering them to chuse the wisest among them to assist his
Majesty with their Advice: And as the Interest of each Province in
particular, and of the whole Nation in general, turn'd upon the Probity
and Judgment of the Representatives, to whom an unlimited Power was
delegated, it did not stand to Reason, that they would make Choice of
any, whose Love for his Country, whose Sagacity and Honour they had not
made Proof of; or at least, whose Life did not give them Hopes, that he
would prove a real Patriot.

That they were the free Choice of the People, was plain, by the
Backwardness shewn by those elected to undertake so weighty a Charge,
which had no other Recompence than the Applause of the Publick, for the
faithful Execution of their Trust. Another Reason which induced me to
believe the Choice such, was, that the _English_, (of which Nation I
own'd my self) were any one rich enough to bribe the Majority of a
Province, and are too wise a People to entrust their Liberty to such a
Person; for it's natural to believe, whoever would buy their Votes,
would sell his own: But, that the Majority of a Province was to be
brib'd, or that a free People would, on any account, risque their
Liberty, by giving their Representatives a Power to enslave 'em, either
by making the Prince absolute, and furnishing him with Standing Armies,
to maintain a despotick Power or else by selling them to Foreigners,
could never enter into the Thoughts of a reasonable Creature.

_Has_, said he, (who smiled all the while I held this Discourse) _your
Nation any near Neighbours?_ I answer'd, That, by the means of our
Shipping, we might be said near Neighbours to every Nation; but that our
Island was separated but Seven Leagues from the Continent, inhabited by
a warlike and powerful People. _Have you any Commerce with the Nations
on the Continent?_ We are, said I, the greatest Dealers in _Europe_.
_Have you any Religion among you?_ We have, in the main, I replied, but
one, tho' it is branch'd out into a great many Sects, differing only in
some trifling Ceremonies, in Essentials we all agree.

Religion, _answer'd my Lord_, is absolutely necessary in a
well-govern'd State; but do your great Men make any Profession of
Religion? or, to ask a more proper Question, do they do more than
profess it?

My Lord, said I, our great Men are the brightest Examples of Piety.
Their Veracity is such, that they would not for an Empire falsify
their Word once given. Their Justice won't suffer a Creditor to go from
their Gate unsatisfied: Their Chastity makes them look on Adultery and
Furnication the most abominable Crimes; and even the naming of them
will make their Bloods run cold. They exhaust their Revenues in Acts
of Charity, and every great Man among us is a Husband and Father to
the Widow and Orphan. They esteem themselves Stewards to the Poor, and
that in a future State they are accountable for every Doit lavish'd in
Equipage or superfluous Dishes. Their Tables are not nicely, but
plentifully served, and always open to the honest Needy. At Court, as
I have learn'd, there is neither Envy nor Detraction, no one undermines
another, nor intercepts the Prince's Bounty or Favour by slandrous
Reports; and neither Interest, Riches, nor Quality, but Merit only
recommends the Candidate to a Post: A Bribe was never heard of there;
which, together with the exact Justice practised, is the Reason that a
Minister, after Twelve or Fourteen Years, shall die not a Doit richer
than he was at the Entrance upon his Office: Nay, I've been told, that
a Paymaster General of the Army, after he had past his Accounts before
the Grand Council of the Nation, with a general Applause, found his
Patrimony so impoverish'd by his Charity to Soldiers Widows, he was
oblig'd to turn Merchant for his Support; but being unfortunate, he
petition'd for a small Government.

_As you say you have divers Sects of Religion, you must have Priests
among you, pray what sort of Men are they?_ I answer'd, their Lives and
Doctrine were of a-piece, their Example differing nothing from their
Precepts: That Hypocrisy, Avarice, Ambition, litigious Suits, Lying,
Revenge, and Obscenity, were Vices known to 'em by Name only: That they
were a mortify'd Set of Men, who look'd upon nothing transitory worth
their Concern; and having their Thoughts always employ'd on Meditations
of a future Happiness, neglected every thing on Earth but their Duty;
and for this Reason, they often became a Prey to Knaves, who slipp'd no
Opportunity of spoiling them, knowing their Lenity such, that, if
detected, they should not be prosecuted. I have been assured, that a
Priest being told, such a Farmer had stole away a great many Tithe
Sheafs, the good Divine answer'd, _If he's poor, it's no Theft; what I
have belongs to the Needy, and he takes but his own_. The Day after he
sent him all the Corn he was Master of, and by this Act of Charity,
wou'd have starved before next Harvest, if a Minister of State, in love
with his Virtue, had not provided for him. And I myself knew one,
who hearing black Puddings were a Preservative against pestilential
Infections, and that the Plague was within Two Thousand Leagues of our
Island, laid out his whole Patrimony in Puddings, and sent 'em to every
Sea-port in the Kingdom.

_Have you Physicians among you?_ We have, said I, Men of extensive
Charity, great Humility, profound Learning, without the least Tincture
of Vanity. They are so very conscientious, that shou'd they prescribe
for a Patient, and he recover before he had taken all the Druggs brought
in, they will pay for those which remain, out of their own Pockets.
They never take a fee, but when they prescribe, tho' they visit you
frequently, and never prescribe, without they see an absolute Necessity.
They a modest, that they attribute the Recovery of a Person to divine
Providence, and are ready to accuse themselves of Ignorance or
Negligence should he die under their Hands.

_Have you any Lawyers in your part of the World?_ Lawyers, said I, we
have, but not more than necessary.

_You have then_, said my Lord, _very few, or are a litigious People.
What sort of Creatures are they?_ They are, said I, brought up many
Years in the Study of the Laws, and pass a strict Examination, not only
as to their Knowledge, but their Morals, before they are admitted to the
Bar; which is the Reason, that we have no Tricks, no Delays, to weary
and ruine the poor Client who has a Right, but no Money; they come
directly to the Merits of the Cause, and never endeavour by their
Rhetorick to put a fair Face on a bad one; and not one, if his Client
does not deceive him, will appear on the Side of Oppression or
Injustice; and if he is himself impos'd upon, when he perceives it, he
will not defend the Wrong. This Care of examining into the Probity of
the Students, and Candidates for the Bar, is the Reason our Lawyers are
very near in as great Reputation as our Priests.

Do you know from what you have said, _Probusomo_, that I conclude
your Statesmen Fools, and that you will soon fall a Prey to some
other Nation; or you either very ignorant of your National Affairs,
or a very great Lyar; or otherwise think me easily impos'd upon. I
have been many Years at the Head of the _Cacklogallinian_ Affairs,
under our August Master, _Hippomina Connuferento_, Darling of the
Sun, Delight of the Moon, Terror of the Universe, Gate of Happiness,
Source of Honour, Disposer of Kingdoms, and High Priest of the
_Cacklogallinian_ Church. I have, I say, long, in Obedience to this
Most Potent Prince, acted as Prime Minister, and to tell me, that
such a one will baulk his Master's, or his own Interest, on the
Score of Religion; nay, in his publick Capacity, that he believes
one Word of it, or has Ears for Justice or Compassion, wou'd be the
same thing as telling me, a Flatterer, in his Encomiums has a strict
Eye to Truth, or that a Poet who writes in Praise of great Men,
believes them really possess'd of the Virtues he attributes to 'em,
and has no other View in his Epistle than that of edifying others,
by shewing the bright Example of his Patrons. My Business now calls
me to Court; the Emperor, as yet, has never heard of you: For
whoever dares acquaint him with any thing, without my Permission,
passes his Time very ill. To Morrow, I'll present you to His
Majesty.

He left the Room, and I retired to my Apartment, where none cou'd come
at me, but who pass'd thro' my Lord's, which was Death to do, or even
to fly within Twenty Yards of his House, without Permission. Nay, the
proudest among them, and those of the highest Rank alight at his
Outer-gate, and walk into the House.

The next Morning my Lord came into my Apartment:

"Well, _Probusomo_, said he, I intend this Day to present you to his
Imperial Majesty; and tho' you are of a Species hitherto unknown in
our Parts of the World, and are, for that Reason, look'd upon as a
kind of Monster, as perhaps one of us should be, were we to appear
in your Nation, yet I have observ'd some Points of Discretion in
your Behaviour, and I begin to have a Kindness for you, for which
Reason I intend to instruct you how to demean your self; and if you
are wise enough to act and be guided by the Counsels I shall
prescribe to you, while you are at Court, I can, in spite of your
awkard Form, get you naturalized, and then perhaps may prefer you to
some Charge in the Government, considerable enough to enable you to
pass the rest of your Days in Ease and Plenty.

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