Dornford Yates - Berry And Co.

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"And where," said my sister, "is Harry going to sleep?"

Her husband settled himself contentedly.

"That," he said drowsily, "is what's worrying me."

"Outrageous," said Daphne. Then she turned to me. "It's too late to do
anything now. Will you go down and explain? Perhaps he can manage in the
library. Unless Jonah likes to give up his bed."

"I'll do what I can," I said, taking a cigarette from the box by her
side.

"Oh, and do ask if it's true about Evelyn."

"Right oh. I'll tell you as I come back."

"I forbid you," murmured her husband, "to re-enter this room."

I kissed my sister, lobbed a novel on to my brother-in-law's back, and
withdrew before he had time to retaliate. Then I stepped barefoot
downstairs, to perform my mission.

With the collapse of the excitement, Nobby's suspicion shrank into
curiosity, his muscles relaxed, and he stopped quivering. So infectious
a thing is perturbation.

The door of the library was ajar, and the thin strip of light which
issued was enough to guide me across the hall. The parquet was cold to
the touch, and I began to regret that I had not returned for my
slippers.

As I pushed the door open--

"I say, Jonah," I said, "that fool Berry----"

It was with something of a shock that I found myself looking directly
along the barrel of a .45 automatic pistol, which a stout gentleman,
wearing a green mask, white kid gloves, and immaculate evening-dress,
was pointing immediately at my nose.

"There now," he purred. "I was going to say, 'Hands up.' Just like that.
'Hands up.' It's so romantic. But I hadn't expected the dog. Suppose you
put your right hand up."

I shook my head.

"I want that for my cigarette," I said.

For a moment we stood looking at one another. Then my fat _vis-a-vis_
began to shake with laughter.

"You know," he gurgled, "this is most irregular. It's enough to make
Jack Sheppard turn in his grave. It is really. However.... As an
inveterate smoker, I feel for you. So we'll have a compromise." He
nodded towards an armchair which stood by the window. "You go and sit
down in that extremely comfortable armchair--sit well back--and we won't
say any more about the hands."

As he spoke, he stepped forward. Nobby received him with a venomous
growl, and to my amazement the fellow immediately caressed him.

"Dogs always take to me," he added. "I'm sure I don't know why, but it's
a great help."

To my mortification, the Sealyham proved to be no exception to the rule.
I could feel his tail going.

As in a dream, I crossed to the chair and sat down. As I moved, the
pistol moved also.

"I hate pointing this thing at you," said the late speaker. "It's so
suggestive. If you'd care to give me your word, you know.... Between
gentlemen...."

"I make no promises," I snapped.

The other sighed.

"Perhaps you're right," he said. "Lean well back, please.... That's
better."

The consummate impudence of the rogue intensified the atmosphere of
unreality, which was most distracting. Doggedly my bewildered brain was
labouring in the midst of a litter of fiction, which had suddenly
changed into truth. The impossible had come to pass. The cracksman of
the novel had come to life, and I was reluctantly witnessing, in
comparative comfort and at my own expense, an actual exhibition of
felony enriched with all the spices which the cupboard of Sensation
contains.

The monstrous audacity of the proceedings, and the business-like way in
which they were conducted, were almost stupefying.

Most of the silver in the house, including a number of pieces, our
possession of which I had completely forgotten, seemed to have been
collected and laid in rough order upon rugs, which had been piled one
upon the other to deaden noise. One man was taking it up, piece by
piece, scrutinizing it with an eye-glass such as watchmakers use, and
dictating descriptions and particulars to a second, who was seated at
the broad writing-table, entering the details, in triplicate, in a large
order-book. By his side a third manipulated a pair of scales, weighing
each piece with the greatest care and reporting the result to the
second, who added the weight to the description. Occasionally the latter
paused to draw at a cigarette, which lay smouldering in the ash-tray by
his side. As each piece was weighed, the third handed it to a fourth
assistant, who wrapped it in a bag of green baize and laid it gently in
an open suit-case. Four other cases stood by his side, all bearing a
number of labels and more or less the worse for wear.

All four men were masked and gloved, and working with a rapidity and
method which were remarkable. With the exception of the packer, who wore
a footman's livery, they were attired in evening-dress.

"We find it easier," said the master, as if interpreting my thoughts,
"to do it all on the spot. Then it's over and done with. I do hope
you're insured," he added. "I always think it's so much more
satisfactory."

"Up to the hilt," said I cheerfully. "We had it all re-valued only this
year, because of the rise in silver."

"Splendid!"--enthusiastically. "But I'm neglecting you." With his left
hand the rogue picked up an ash-tray and stepped to my side. Then he
backed to the mantelpiece, whence he picked up and brought me a handful
of cigarettes, laying them on the broad arm of my chair. "I'm afraid the
box has gone," he said regretfully. "May I mix you a drink?"

I shook my head.

"I've had my ration. If I'd known, I'd have saved some. You see, I don't
sit up so late, as a rule."

He shrugged his shoulders.

As he did so, my own last words rang familiarly in my ears: "I don't sit
up so late" ... "Don't sit up." ...

Jonah! He and Harry were due to arrive any moment!

Hope leaped up within me, and my heart began to beat violently. I
glanced at the silver, still lying upon the rugs. Slowly it was
diminishing, and the services of a second suit-case would soon be
necessary. I calculated that to complete the bestowal would take the
best part of an hour, and began to speculate upon the course events
would take when the travellers appeared. I began to pray fervently that
Harry would be unable to get in at the Club....

"Now, then, you three," said a reproving voice. "I'm surprised at you."

Daphne!

The rogues were trained to a hair.

Before she was framed in the doorway, the cold steel of another weapon
was pressing against my throat, and the master was bowing in her
direction.

"Madam, I beg that you will neither move nor cry out."

My sister stood like a statue. Only the rise and fall of her bosom
showed that she was alive. Pale as death, her eyes riveted on the
speaker, who was holding his right hand markedly behind him, her unbound
hair streaming over her shoulders, she made a beautiful and arresting
picture. A kimono of softest apricot, over which sprawled vivid
embroideries, here in the guise of parti-coloured dragons, there in that
of a wanton butterfly, swathed her from throat to foot. From the mouths
of its gaping sleeves her shapely wrists and hands thrust out snow-white
and still as sculpture.

For a moment all eyes were upon her, as she stood motionless.... Then
the man with the eye-glass screwed it back into his eye, and resumed his
dictation....

The spell was broken.

The packer left his work and, lifting a great chair bodily with apparent
ease, set it noiselessly by my side.

The master bowed again.

"I congratulate you, madam, upon your great heart. I beg that you will
join that gentleman."

With a high head, My Lady Disdain swept to the spot indicated and sank
into the chair.

"Please lean right back.... Thank you."

The cold steel was withdrawn from my throat, and I breathed more freely.

Nobby wriggled to get to my sister, but I held him fast.

"So it was burglars," said Daphne.

"Looks like it," said I.

I glanced at the leader, who had taken his seat upon the club-kerb. His
right hand appeared to be resting upon his knee.

"I think," said my sister, "I'll have a cigarette." I handed her one
from the pile and lighted it from my own. As I did so--

"_Courage,_" I whispered. "_Jonah ne tardera pas._"

"I beg," said the spokesman, "that you will not whisper together. It
tends to create an atmosphere of mistrust."

My sister inclined her head with a silvery laugh.

"You have a large staff," she said.

"That is my way. I am not a believer in the lone hand. But there you
are. _Quot homines, tot sententicae,"_ and with that, he spread out his
hands and shrugged his broad shoulders.

Daphne raised her delicate eyebrows and blew out a cloud of smoke.

"'The fewer men,'" she quoted, "'the greater share of--_plunder_.'"

The shoulders began to shake.

"_Touche,_" was the reply. "A pretty thrust, madam. But you must read
further on. 'And gentlemen in _Mayfair_ now abed Shall think themselves
accursed they were not here.' Shall we say that--er--honours are easy?"
And the old villain fairly rocked with merriment.

Daphne laughed airily.

"Good for you," she said. "As a matter of fact, sitting here, several
things look extremely easy."

"So, on the whole, they are. Mind you, lookers-on see the easy side. And
you, madam, are a very privileged spectator."

"I have paid for my seat," flashed my sister.

"Royally. Still, deadhead or not, a spectator you are, and, as such, you
see the easy side. Now, one of the greatest dangers that can befall a
thief is avarice."

"I suppose you're doing this out of charity," I blurted.

"Listen. Many a promising career of--er--appropriation has come to an
abrupt and sordid end, and all because success but whetted where it
should have satisfied." He addressed my sister. "Happily for you, you do
not sleep in your pearls. Otherwise, since you are here, I might have
fallen... Who knows? As it is, pearls, diamonds and the emerald
bracelets that came from Prague--you see, madam, I know them all--will
lie upstairs untouched. I came for silver, and I shall take nothing
else. Some day, perhaps..."

The quiet sing-song of his voice faded, and only the murmur of the
ceaseless dictation remained. Then that, too, faltered and died....

For a second master and men stood motionless. Then the former pointed to
Daphne and me, and Numbers Three and Four whipped to our side.

Somebody, whistling softly, was descending the stairs....

Just as it became recognizable the air slid out of a whistle into a
song, and my unwitting brother-in-law invested the last two lines with
all the mockery of pathos of which his inferior baritone voice was
capable.

"I'm for ever b-b-blowing b-b-bub-b-bles,
B-blinkin' b-bub-b-bles in the air."

He entered upon the last word, started ever so slightly at his
reception, and then stood extremely still.

"Bubbles be blowed," he said. "B-b-burglars, what? Shall I moisten the
lips? Or would you rather I wore a sickly smile? I should like it to be
a good photograph. You know, you can't touch me, Reggibald. I'm in
balk." His eyes wandered round the room. "Why, there's Nobby. And what's
the game? Musical Chairs? I know a better one than that." His eyes
returned to the master. "Now, don't you look and I'll hide in the
hassock! Then, when I say 'Cuckoo,' you put down the musket and wish.
Then--excuse me."

Calmly he twitched a Paisley shawl from the back of the sofa and crossed
to his wife. Tenderly he wrapped it about her feet and knees. By the
time he had finished a third chair was awaiting him, and Numbers Three
and Four had returned to their work.

"Pray sit down," drawled the master. "And lean well back.... That's
right. You know, I'm awfully sorry you left your bed."

"Don't mention it," said Berry. "I wouldn't have missed this for any
thing. How's Dartmoor looking?"

The fat rogue sighed.

"I have not had a holiday," he said, "for nearly two years. And night
work tells, you know. Of course I rest during the day, but it isn't the
same."

"How wicked! And they call this a free country. I should see your M.P.
about it. Or wasn't he up when you called?"

The other shook his head.

"As a matter of fact," he said, "he was out of Town. George, give the
gentleman a match." The packer picked up a match-stand and set it by
Berry's side. "I'm so sorry about the chocolates. You see, I wasn't
expecting----Hullo!"

At the mention of the magical word Nobby had leapt from my unready grasp
and trotted across to the fireplace. There, to my disgust and vexation,
he fixed the master with an expectant stare, and then sat up upon his
hindquarters and begged a sweatmeat.

His favourer began to heave with merriment.

"What an engaging scrap!" he wheezed, taking a chocolate from an
occasional table upon which the contents of a dessert dish had
apparently been emptied. "Here, my little apostate.... Well caught!"

With an irrational rapidity the Sealyham disposed of the first comfit he
had been given for more than six months. Then he resumed the attractive
posture which he had found so profitable. Lazily his patron continued to
respond....

Resentfully I watched the procedure, endeavouring to console myself with
the reflection that in a few hours Nature would assuredly administer to
the backslider a more terrible and appropriate correction than any that
I could devise.

Would Jonah never come?

I stole a glance at the clock. Five and twenty minutes to two. And when
he did come, what then? Were he and Harry to blunder into the slough
waist-high, as we had done? Impossible. There was probably a man
outside--possibly a car, which would set them thinking. Then, even if
the brutes got away, their game would be spoiled. It wouldn't be such a
humiliating walk-over. Oh, why had Daphne come down? Her presence put
any attempt at action out of the question. And why....

A taxi slowed for a distant corner and turned into the street. For a
moment it seemed to falter. Then its speed was changed clumsily, and it
began to grind its way in our direction. My heart began to beat
violently. Again the speed was changed, and the rising snarl choked to
give way to a metallic murmur, which was rapidly approaching. I could
hardly breathe.... Then the noise swelled up, hung for an instant upon
the very crest of earshot, only to sink abruptly as the cab swept past,
taking our hopes with it.

Two-thirds of the silver had disappeared.

Berry cleared his throat.

"You know," he said, "this is an education. In my innocence I thought
that a burglar shoved his swag in a sack and then pushed off, and did
the rest in the back parlour of a beer-house in Notting Dale. As it is,
my only wonder is that you didn't bring a brazier and a couple of
melting-pots."

"Not my job," was the reply. "I'm not a receiver. Besides, you don't
think that all this beautiful silver is to be broken up?" The horror of
his uplifted hands would have been more convincing if both of them had
been empty. "Why, in a very little while, particularly if you travel,
you will have every opportunity of buying It back again in open market."

"But how comic," said Berry. "I should think you're a favourite at
Lloyd's. D'you mind if I blow my nose? Or would that be a _casus
belli_?"

"Not at all"--urbanely. "Indeed, if you would care to give me your
word...."

Berry shook his head.

"Honour among thieves?" he said. "Unfortunately I'm honest, so you must
have no truck with me. Never mind. D'you touch cards at all? Or only at
Epsom?"

Beneath the green mask the mouth tightened, and I could see that the
taunt had gone home. No man likes to be whipped before his underlings.

Nobby profited by the master's silence, and had devoured two more
chocolates before Berry spoke again--this time to me.

"Gentleman seems annoyed," he remarked. "I do hope he hasn't
misconstrued anything I've said. D'you think we ought to offer him
breakfast? Of course, five is rather a lot, but I dare say one of them
is a vegetarian, and you can pretend you don't care for haddock. Or they
may have some tripe downstairs. You never know. And afterwards we could
run them back to Limehouse. By the way, I wonder if I ought to tell him
about the silver which-not. It's only nickel, but I don't want to keep
anything back. Oh, and what about the dividend warrant? Of course it
wants riveting and--er--forging, and I don't think they'd recognize it,
but he could try. If I die before he goes, ask him to leave his address;
then, if he leaves anything behind, the butler can send it on. I
remember I left a pair of bed-socks once at Chatsworth. The Duke never
sent them on, but then they were perishable. Besides, one of them
followed me as far as Leicester. Instinct, you know. I wrote to _The
Field_ about it." He paused to shift uneasily in his seat. "You know, if
I have to sustain this pose much longer, I shall get railway spine or a
hare lip or something."

"Hush," said I. "What did Alfred Austin say in 1895?"

"I know," said Berry. "'Comrades, leave me here a little, while as yet
'tis early morn.' Precisely. But then all his best work was admittedly
done under the eiderdown."

The clock upon the wall was chiming the hour. Two o'clock.

Would Jonah never come?

I fancy the same query renewed its hammering at Berry's brain, for,
after a moment's reflection, he turned to the master.

"I don't wish to presume upon your courtesy," he said, "but will the
executive portion of your night's work finish when that remaining
treasure has been bestowed?"

"So far as you are concerned."

"Oh, another appointment! Of course, this 'summer time' stunt gives you
another hour, doesn't it? Well, I must wish you a warmer welcome."

"That were impossible," was the bland reply "Once or twice, I must
confess, I thought you a little--er, equivocal, but let that pass. I
only regret that Mrs. Pleydell, particularly, should have been so much
inconvenienced."

"Don't mention it," said Berry. "As a matter of fact, we're all very
pleased to have met you. You have interested us more than I can say,
with true chivalry you have abstained from murder and mutilation, and
you have suffered me to blow my nose, when a less courteous visitor
would have obliged me to sniff with desperate and painful regularity for
nearly half an hour. Can generosity go further?"

The rogue upon the club-kerb began to shake with laughter again.

"You're a good loser," he crowed. "I'll give you that. I'm quite glad
you came down. Most of my hosts I never see, and that's dull, you know,
dull. And those I do are so often--er--unsympathetic. Yes, I shall
remember to-night."

"Going to change his rings," murmured Berry.

"And now the highly delicate question of our departure is, I am afraid,
imminent. To avoid exciting impertinent curiosity, you will appreciate
that we must take our leave as artlessly as possible, and that the order
of our going must be characterized by no unusual circumstance, such, for
instance, as a hue and cry. Anything so vulgar as a scene must at all
costs be obviated. Excuse me. Blake!"

Confederate Number One stepped noiselessly to his side and listened in
silence to certain instructions, which were to us inaudible.

I looked about me.

The last of the silver had disappeared. The packer was dismantling the
scales as a preliminary to laying them in the last suit-case. The clerk
was fastening together the sheets which he had detached from the flimsy
order-book. Number Three had taken a light overcoat from a chair and was
putting it on. And the time was six minutes past two....

And what of Jonah? He and Harry would probably arrive about five minutes
too late. I bit my lip savagely....

Again the chief malefactor lifted up his voice.

"It is my experience," he drawled, "that temerity is born, if not of
curiosity, then of ignorance. Now, if there is one vice more than
another which I deplore, it is temerity--especially when it is displayed
by a host at two o'clock of a morning. I am therefore going to the root
of the matter. In short, I propose to satisfy your very natural
curiosity regarding our method of departure, and, incidentally, to show
you exactly what you are up against. You see, I believe in prevention."
His utterance of the last sentences was more silky than ever.

"The constables who have passed this house since half-past twelve will,
if reasonably observant, have noticed the carpet which, upon entering,
we laid upon the steps. A departure of guests, therefore, even at this
advanced hour, should arouse no more suspicion than the
limousine-landaulette which has now been waiting for some nine minutes.

"The lights in the hall will now be turned on, the front door will be
opened wide, and the footman will place the suit-cases in the car, at
the open door of which he will stand, while my colleagues and I--I need
hardly say by this time unmasked--emerge at our leisure, chatting in a
most ordinary way.

"I shall be the last to enter the car--I beg your pardon. To-night I
shall be the last but one"--for an instant he halted, as if to emphasize
the correction--"and my entry will coincide with what is a favourable
opportunity for the footman to assume the cap and overcoat which he must
of necessity wear if his closing of the front door and subsequent
occupation of the seat by the chauffeur are to excite no remark.... You
see, I try to think of everything."

He paused for a moment, regarding the tips of his fingers, as though
they were ungloved. Then--

"Your presence here presents no difficulty. Major and Mrs. Pleydell will
stay in this room, silent ... and motionless ... and detaining the dog.
You"--nonchalantly he pointed an extremely ugly trench-dagger in my
direction--"will vouch with your--er--health for their observance of
these conditions. Be good enough to stand up and place your hands behind
you."

With a glance at Berry, I rose. All things considered, there was nothing
else to be done.

The man whom he had addressed as "Blake" picked up Nobby and, crossing
the room, laid the terrier in Berry's arms. Then he lashed my wrists
together with the rapidity of an expert.

"Understand, I take no chances." A harsh note had crept into the even
tones. "The slightest indiscretion will cost this gentleman extremely
dear."

I began to hope very much that my brother-in-law would appreciate the
advisability of doing as he had been told.

"George, my coat." The voice was as suave as ever again. "Thank you. Is
everything ready?"

Berry stifled a yawn.

"You don't mean to say," he exclaimed, "that you're actually going? Dear
me. Well, well.... I don't suppose you've a card on you? No. Sorry. I
should have liked to remember you in my prayers. Never mind. And you
don't happen to know of a good plain cook, do you? No. I thought not.
Well, if you should hear of one...."

"Carry on."

Blake laid a hand on my shoulder and urged me towards the door. As I was
going, I saw the master bow.

"Mrs. Pleydell," he said, "I have the honour----Dear me! There's that
ridiculous word again. Never mind--the honour to bid _adieu_ to a most
brave lady."

With a faint sneer my sister regarded him. Then--

"_Au revoir,_" she said steadily.

"So long, old bean," said Berry. "See you at Vine Street."

As I passed into the hall, the lights went up and a cap was clapped on
to my head and pulled down tight over my eyes. Then I was thrust into a
corner of the hall, close to the front door. Immediately this was
opened, and I could hear everything happen as we had been led to expect.
Only there was a hand on my shoulder....

I heard the master coming with a jest on his lips.

As he passed me, he was speaking ostensibly to one of his comrades ...
ostensibly....

"I shouldn't wait up for Jonah," he said.

* * * * *

Thanks to the fact that one of the Assistant Commissioners of Police was
an old friend of mine, we were spared much of the tedious interrogation
and well-meant, but in the circumstances utterly futile, attentions of
the subordinate officers of the C.I.D.

Admission to the house had been gained without breaking, and there were
no finger-prints. Moreover, since our visitors had worn masks, such
descriptions of them as we could give were very inadequate. However,
statements were taken from my sister, Berry and myself, and the spurious
telegram was handed over. The insurance company was, of course, informed
of the crime.

Despite the paucity of detail, our description of the gang and its
methods aroused tremendous excitement at Scotland Yard. The master, it
appeared, was a veritable Prince of Darkness. Save that he existed, and
was a man of large ideas and the utmost daring, to whose charge half the
great unplaced robberies of recent years were, rightly or wrongly, laid,
little or nothing was known of his manners or personality.

"I tell you," said the Assistant Commissioner, leaning back and tilting
his chair, "he's just about as hot as they make 'em. And when we do take
him, if ever we do--and that might be to-morrow, or in ten years'
time--we might walk straight into him next week with the stuff in his
hands; you never know--well, when we do take him, as like as not, he'll
prove to be a popular M.P., or a recognized authority on livestock or
something. You've probably seen him heaps of times in St. James's, and,
as like as not, he's a member of your own Club. Depend upon it, the old
sinner moves in those circles which you know are above suspicion. If
somebody pinched your watch at Ascot, you'd never look for the thief in
the enclosure, would you? Of course not. Well, I may be wrong, but I
don't think so. Meanwhile let's have some lunch."

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