Grenville Kleiser - Talks on Talking
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7 TALKS ON TALKING
by
GRENVILLE KLEISER
Formerly Instructor in Public Speaking at Yale Divinity School,
Yale University; author of "How to Speak in Public," "How to
Develop Power and Personality in Speaking," "How to Develop
Self-Confidence in Speech and Manner," "How to Argue and Win,"
"How to Read and Declaim," "Complete Guide to Public Speaking,";
etc.
Copyright, 1916, by
Funk. & Wagnalls Company
(Printed in the United States of America)
Published, September, 1916
Copyright under the articles of the Copyright Convention of the
Pan-American Republics and the United States, August 11, 1910
CONTENTS
PAGE
THE ART OF TALKING 1
TYPES OF TALKERS 11
TALKERS AND TALKING 18
PHRASES FOR TALKERS 25
THE SPEAKING VOICE 34
HOW TO TELL A STORY 44
TALKING IN SALESMANSHIP 56
MEN AND MANNERISMS 63
HOW TO SPEAK IN PUBLIC 70
PRACTICAL HINTS FOR SPEAKERS 84
THE DRAMATIC ELEMENT IN SPEAKING 87
CONVERSATION AND PUBLIC SPEAKING 94
A TALK TO PREACHERS 100
CARE OF THE SPEAKER'S THROAT 108
DON'TS FOR PUBLIC SPEAKERS 116
DO'S FOR PUBLIC SPEAKERS 118
POINTS FOR SPEAKERS 120
THE BIBLE ON SPEECH 122
THOUGHTS ON TALKING 123
PREFACE
Good conversation implies naturalness, spontaneity, and sincerity of
utterance. It is not advisable, therefore, to lay down arbitrary rules
to govern talking, but it is believed that the suggestions offered here
will contribute to the general elevation and improvement of daily
speech.
Considering the large number of persons who are obliged to talk in
social, business, and public life, the subject of correct speech should
receive more serious consideration than is usually given to it. It is
earnestly hoped that this volume will be of practical value to those who
are desirous of developing and improving their conversational powers.
Appreciative thanks are expressed to the Editors of the _Homiletic
Review_ for permission to reprint some of the extracts.
GRENVILLE KLEISER.
NEW YORK CITY,
MAY, 1916.
Boys flying kites haul in their white-wing'd birds:
You can't do that way when you're flying words.
"Careful with fire," is good advice we know;
"Careful with words," is ten times doubly so.
Thoughts unexpress'd may sometimes fall back dead,
But God Himself can't kill them once they're said!
--_Will Carleton._
The first duty of a man is to speak; that is his chief business in
this world; and talk, which is the harmonious speech of two or
more, is by far the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing;
it is all profit; it completes our education; it founds and fosters
our friendships; and it is by talk alone that we learn our period
and ourselves.
--_Robert Louis Stevenson._
Vociferated logic kills me quite;
A noisy man is always in the right--
I twirl my thumbs, fall back into my chair,
Fix on the wainscot a distressful stare;
And when I hope his blunders all are out,
Reply discreetly, "To be sure--no doubt!"
--_Anon._
TALKS ON TALKING
THE ART OF TALKING
The charm of conversation chiefly depends upon the adaptability of the
participants. It is a great accomplishment to be able to enter gently
and agreeably into the moods of others, and to give way to them with
grace and readiness.
The spirit of conversation is oftentimes more important than the ideas
expressed. What we are rather than what we say has the most permanent
influence upon those around us. Hence it is that where a group of
persons are met together in conversation, it is the inner life of each
which silently though none the less surely imparts tone and character to
the occasion.
It requires vigorous self-discipline so to cultivate the feelings of
kindness and sympathy that they are always in readiness for use. These
qualities are essential to agreeable and profitable intercourse, though
comparatively few people possess them.
Burke considered manners of more importance than laws. Sidney Smith
described manners as the shadows of virtues. Dean Swift defined manners
as the art of putting at ease the people with whom we converse.
Chesterfield said manners should adorn knowledge in order to smooth its
way through the world. Emerson spoke of manners as composed of petty
sacrifices.
We all recognize that a winning manner is made up of seemingly
insignificant courtesies, and of constant little attentions. A person of
charming manner is usually free from resentments, inquisitiveness, and
moods.
Personality plays a large part in interesting conversation. Precisely
the same phraseology expressed by two different persons may make two
wholly different impressions, and all because of the difference in the
personalities of the speakers.
The daily mental life of a man indelibly impresses itself upon his face,
where it can be unmistakably read by others. What a person is, innately
and habitually, unconsciously discloses itself in voice, manner, and
bearing. The world ultimately appraises a man at his true value.
The best type of talker is slow to express positive opinions, is sparing
in criticism, and studiously avoids a tone or word of finality. It has
been well said that "A talker who monopolizes the conversation is by
common consent insufferable, and a man who regulates his choice of
topics by reference to what interests not his hearers but himself has
yet to learn the alphabet of the art. Conversation is like lawn-tennis,
and requires alacrity in return at least as much as vigor in service. A
happy phrase, an unexpected collocation of words, a habitual precision
in the choice of terms, are rare and shining ornaments of conversation,
but they do not for an instant supply the place of lively and
interesting matter, and an excessive care for them is apt to tell
unfavorably on the substance of discourse."
When Lord Beaconsfield was talking his way into social fame, someone
said of him, "I might as well attempt to gather up the foam of the sea
as to convey an idea of the extraordinary language in which he clothed
his description. There were at least five words in every sentence that
must have been very much astonished at the use they were put to, and yet
no others apparently could so well have expressed his idea. He talked
like a racehorse approaching the winning-post--every muscle in action,
and the utmost energy of expression flung out into every burst."
We are told that Matthew Arnold combined all the characteristics of good
conversation--politeness, vivacity, sympathy, interestedness, geniality,
a happy choice of words, and a never-failing humor. When he was once
asked what was his favorite topic for conversation, he instantly
answered, "That in which my companion is most interested."
Courtesy, it will be noted, is the fundamental basis of good
conversation. We must show habitual consideration and kindliness towards
others if we would attract them to us. Bluntness of manner is no longer
excused on the ground that the speaker is sincere and outspoken. We
expect and demand that our companion in conversation should observe the
recognized courtesies of speech.
There was a time when men and women indulged freely in satire, irony,
and repartee. They spoke their thoughts plainly and unequivocally. There
were no restraints imposed upon them by society, hence it now appears to
us that many things were said which might better have been left unsaid.
Self-restraint is nowadays one of the cardinal virtues of good
conversation.
The spirit of conversation is greatly changed. We are enjoined to keep
the voice low, think before we speak, repress unseasonable allusions,
shun whatever may cause a jar or jolt in the minds of others, be seldom
prominent in conversation, and avoid all clashing of opinion and
collision of feeling.
Macaulay was fond of talking, but made the mistake of always choosing a
subject to suit himself and monopolizing the conversation. He lectured
rather than talked. His marvelous memory was perhaps his greatest enemy,
for though it enabled him to pour forth great masses of facts, people
listened to him helplessly rather than admiringly.
Carlyle was a great talker, and talked much in protest of talking. No
man broke silence oftener than he to tell the world how great a curse is
talking. But he told it eloquently and therein was he justified. There
was in him too much vehement sternness, of hard Scotch granite, to make
him a pleasant talker in the popular sense. He was the evangelist of
golden silence, and though he did not apparently practice it himself,
his genius will never diminish.
Gladstone was unable to indulge in small talk. His mind was so
constantly occupied with great subjects that he spoke even to one person
as if addressing a meeting. It is said that in conversation with Queen
Victoria he would invariably choose weighty subjects, and though she
tried to make a digression, he would seize the first opportunity to
resume his original theme, always reinforced in volume and onrush by the
delay.
Lord Morley is attractive though austere in conversation. He never
dogmatizes nor obtrudes his own opinions. He is a master of
phrase-making. But although he talks well he never talks much.
The story is told that at a recent dinner in London ten leading public
men were met together, when one suggested that each gentleman present
should write down on paper the name of the man he would specially choose
to be his companion on a walking tour. When the ten papers were
subsequently read aloud, each bore the name of Lord Morley.
Lord Rosebery is considered one of the most accomplished talkers of the
day. Deferential, natural, sympathetic, observant, well-informed, he
easily and unconsciously commands the attention of any group of men. His
voice is said to recommend what he utters, and a singularly refined
accent gives distinction to anything he says. He is a supreme example of
two great qualifications for effective talking: having something worth
while to say, and knowing how to say it.
Among distinguished Canadians, Sir Thomas White is one of the most
interesting speakers. His versatile mind, and broad and varied
experience, enable him to converse with almost equal facility upon
politics, medicine, finance, law, science, art, literature, or
business. Dates, details, facts, figures, and illustrations are at his
ready command. His manner is natural, courteous, and genial, but in
argumentation the whole man is so thoroughly aroused to earnestness and
intensity as almost to overwhelm an opponent. His greatest quality in
speaking is his manifest sincerity, and it is this particularly which
has ingratiated him in the hearts of his countrymen.
The Honorable Joseph H. Choate must certainly be reckoned among the best
conversationalists of our time. His manner, both in conversation and in
public speaking, is singularly gracious and winning. He is unsurpassed
as a story-teller. His fine taste, combined with long experience as a
public man, makes him an ideal after-dinner speaker.
Some eminent men try to mask their greatness when engaged in
conversation. They do not wear their feelings nor their greatness on
their sleeves. Some have an utter distaste for anything like personal
display. It is said of the late Henry James that a stranger might talk
to him for an entire evening without discovering his identity.
There is an interesting account of an evening's conversation between
Emerson and Thoreau. When Thoreau returned home he wrote in his Journal:
"Talked, or tried to talk, with R.W.E. Lost my time, nay, almost my
identity. He, assuming a false opposition where there was no difference
of opinion, talked to the wind." Emerson's version of the conversation
was this: "It seemed as if Thoreau's first instinct on hearing a
proposition was to controvert it. That habit is chilling to the social
affections; it mars conversation."
Conversation offers daily opportunity for intellectual exercise of high
order. The reading of great books is desirable and indispensable to
education, but real culture comes through the additional training one
receives in conversation. The contact of mind with mind tends to
stimulate and develop thoughts which otherwise would probably remain
dormant.
The culture of conversation is to be recommended not only for its own
sake, but also as one of the best means of training in the art of public
speaking. Since the best form of platform address today is simply
conversation enlarged and elevated, it may almost be assumed that to
excel in one is to be proficient in the other.
Good conversation requires, among other things, mental alertness,
accuracy of statement, adequate vocabulary, facility of expression, and
an agreeable voice, and these qualities are most essential for effective
public speaking. Everyone, therefore, who aspires to speaking before an
audience of hundreds or thousands, will find his best opportunity for
preliminary training in everyday speech.
TYPES OF TALKERS
There is no greater affliction in modern life than the tiresome talker.
He talks incessantly. Presumably he talks in his sleep. Talking is his
constant exercise and recreation. He thrives on it. He lives for
talking's sake. He would languish if he were deprived of it for a single
day. His continuous practice in talking enables him easily to
outdistance all ordinary competitors. There is nothing which so
completely unnerves him as long periods of silence. He has the talking
habit in its most virulent form.
The trifling talker is equally objectionable. He talks much, but says
little. He skims over the surface of things, and is timid of anything
deep or philosophical. He does not tarry at one subject. He talks of the
weather, clothes, plays, and sports. He puts little meaning into what he
says, because there is little meaning in what he thinks. He cannot look
at anything seriously. Nothing is of great significance to him. He is
in the class of featherweights.
The tedious talker is one without terminal facilities. He talks right on
with no idea of objective or destination. He rises to go, but he does
not go. He knows he ought to go, but he simply cannot. He has something
more to say. He keeps you standing half an hour. He talks a while
longer. He assures you he really must go. You tell him not to hurry. He
takes you at your word and sits down again. He talks some more. He rises
again. He does not know even now how to conclude. He has no mental
compass. He is a rudderless talker.
Probably the most obnoxious type is the tattling talker. He always has
something startlingly personal to impart. It is a sacred secret for your
ear. He is a wholesale dealer in gossip. He fairly smacks his lips as he
relates the latest scandal. He is an expert embellisher. He adroitly
supplies missing details. He has nothing of interest in his own life,
since he lives wholly in the lives of others. He is a frightful bore,
but you cannot offend him. He is adamant.
There is the tautological talker, or the human self-repeater. He goes
over the ground again and again lest you have missed something. He is
very fond of himself. He tells the same story not twice, but a dozen
times. "You may have heard this before," says he, "but it is so good
that it will bear repetition." He tries to disguise his poverty of
thought in a masquerade of ornate language. If he must repeat his words,
he adds a little emphasis, a flourishing gesture, or a spirit of
nonchalance.
Again, there is the tenacious talker, who refuses to release you though
you concede his arguments. When all others tacitly drop a subject, he
eagerly picks it up. He is reluctant to leave it. He would put you in
possession of his special knowledge. You may successfully refute him,
but he holds firmly to his own ideas. He is positive he is right. He
will prove it, too, if you will only listen. He knows that he knows. You
cannot convince him to the contrary, no indeed. He will talk you so
blind that at last you are unable to see any viewpoint clearly.
A recognized type is the tactless talker. He says the wrong thing in
the right way, and the right thing in the wrong way. He is impulsive and
unguarded. He reaches hasty conclusions. He confuses his tactlessness
with cleverness. He is awkward and blundering. His indifference to the
rights and feelings of others is his greatest enemy. He is a stranger to
discretion. He speaks first, and thinks afterwards. He may have regrets,
but not resolutions. He is often tolerated, but seldom esteemed.
The temperamental talker is one of the greatest of nerve-destroyers. He
deals in superlatives. He views everything emotionally. He talks
feelingly of trifles, and ecstatically of friends. He gushes. He
flatters. To him everything is "wonderful," "prodigious," "superb,"
"gorgeous," "heavenly," "amazing," "indescribable," "overwhelming."
Extravagance and exaggeration permeate his most commonplace
observations. He is an incurable enthusiast.
The tantalizing talker is one who likes to contradict you. He divides
his attention between what you are saying and what he can summon to
oppose you. He dissents from your most ordinary observations. His
favorite phrases are, "I don't think so," "There is where you are
wrong," "I beg to differ," and "Not only that." Tell him it will be a
fine day, and he will declare that the signs indicate foul weather. Say
that the day is unpromising, and he will assure you it does not look
that way to him. He cavils at trifles. He disputes even when there is no
antagonist.
To listen to the tortuous talker is a supreme test of patience. He
slowly winds his way in and out of a subject. He traverses by-paths,
allowing nothing to escape his unwearied eye. He goes a long way about,
but never tires of his circuitous journey. Ploddingly and perseveringly
he zigzags from one point to another. He alters his course as often as
the crooked way of his subject changes. He twists, turns, and diverges
without the slightest inconvenience to himself. He likes nothing better
than to trace out details. His talking disease is discursiveness.
The tranquil talker never hurries. He has all the time there is. If you
are very busy he will wait. He is uniformly moderate and polite. He is
a rare combination of oil, milk, and rose-water. He would not harm a
syllable of the English language. His talking has a soporific effect. It
acts as a lullaby. His speech is low and gentle. He never speaks an
ill-considered word. He chooses his words with measured caution. He is
what is known as a smooth talker.
The torpedo talker is of the rapid fire explosive variety. He bursts
into a conversation. He scatters labials, dentals, and gutturals in all
directions. He is a war-time talker,--boom, burst, bang, roar, crash,
thud! He fills the air with vocal bullets and syllabic shrapnel. He is
trumpet-tongued, ear-splitting, deafening. He fires promiscuously at all
his hearers. He rends the skies asunder. He is nothing if not
vociferous, stentorian, lusty. He demolishes every idea in his way. He
is a Napoleon of words.
The tangled talker never gets anything quite straight. He inevitably
spoils the best story. He always begins at the wrong end. Despite your
protests of face and manner he talks on. He talks inopportunely. He
becomes inextricably confused. He is weak in statistics. He has no
memory for names or places. He lacks not fluency but accuracy. He is a
twisted talker.
The triumphant talker lays claim to the star part in any conversation.
He likes nothing better than to drive home his point and then look about
exultingly. He says gleefully, "I told you so." That he can ever be
wrong is inconceivable to him. He knows the facts since he can readily
manufacture them himself. He is self-satisfied, for in his own opinion
he has never lost an argument. He is a brave and bold talker.
These, then, are some types of talking which we should not emulate.
Study the list carefully--the tiresome talker, the trifling talker, the
tedious talker, the tattling talker, the tautological talker, the
tenacious talker, the tactless talker, the temperamental talker, the
tantalizing talker, the tangled talker, the triumphant talker--and guard
yourself diligently against the faults which they represent. Talking
should always be a pleasure to the speaker and listener, never a bore.
TALKERS AND TALKING
Conversation is not a verbal nor vocal contest, but a mutual meeting of
minds. It is not a monologue, but a reciprocal exchange of ideas.
There are cardinal rules which everyone should observe in conversation.
The first of these is to be prepared always to give courteous and
considerate attention to the ideas of others. There is no better way to
cultivate your own conversational powers than to train yourself first to
be an interesting and sympathetic listener.
It is in bad taste to interrupt a speaker. This is a common fault which
should be resolutely guarded against. Moreover, your own opportunity to
speak will shortly come if you have patience, when you may reasonably
expect to receive the same uninterrupted attention which you have given
to others.
Never allow yourself to monopolize a conversation. This is a form of
selfishness practiced by many persons apparently unaware of being
ill-mannered. It is inexcusably bad taste to tell unduly long stories or
lengthy personal experiences. If you cannot abridge a story to
reasonable dimensions, it would be better to omit it entirely. The
habitual long-story teller may easily become a bore.
Avoid the habit of eagerly matching the other person's story or
experience with one of your own. There is nothing more disconcerting to
a speaker than to observe the listener impatiently waiting to plunge
headlong into the conversation with some marvellous tale. Be
particularly careful not to outdo another speaker in relating your own
experiences. If, for instance, he has just told how he caught fifty fish
upon a recent trip, do not succumb to the temptation to tell of the time
you caught fifty-one.
Be careful not to give unsolicited advice. It has been well said that
advice which costs nothing is worth what it costs. If people desire your
counsel they will probably ask for it, in which case they will be more
likely to appreciate what you have to tell them.
Do not voluntarily recommend doctors, dentists, osteopaths, pills,
coffee substitutes, health foods, health resorts, or panaceas for the
ills of mankind. If you can be of service to others in these particular
respects, it will be when you are specifically asked for such
information.
It is most imprudent to carry an argument to extremes. If you observe an
unwillingness in the other person to be convinced by what you say, you
had better turn to another subject. Conversation should never resolve
itself into controversial debate.
It is well to avoid discursiveness, over-use of parentheses, and
positiveness of statement. Keep your desires and feelings from
over-coloring your views. A flexible attitude of mind is more likely to
win an opponent to your way of thinking.
Take special pains to enter into the minds and feelings of others. Be
interested in what they want to talk about. Let your interest be deep
and sincere. Adopt the right tone, temper, and reticence in your
conversation.
You should accustom yourself to look at things from the other person's
standpoint. It is surprising how this habit enlarges the vision and
gives a charitableness to speech which might otherwise be absent. It is
well to remember that no person can possibly have a monopoly of
knowledge upon any subject.
Good conversation demands restraint, adaptability, and reasonable
brevity. There is an appalling waste of words on all sides, hence you
should constantly guard yourself against this fault. When there is
nothing worth-while to say, the best substitute is silence.
Practice self-discipline in talking. Correct any fault in yourself the
instant you recognize it. If, for example, you realize that you are
talking at too great length, stop it at once. Should you feel that you
are not giving interested attention to the speaker, check your
mind-wandering immediately and concentrate upon what is being said.
Do not be always setting other people right. This is a thankless as well
as useless task. They probably do not want your assistance, or they
would ask for it. Besides most people are sensitive about their
shortcomings, and prefer to get help and counsel in private.
There is no more important suggestion than to rule your moods. Ofttimes
the feelings run away with the judgment. What you think and say today
may be due to your present mood, rather than to matured judgment. Let
your common sense predominate at all times.
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