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"SWINGIN ROUND THE CIRKLE."

BY

PETROLEUM V. NASBY,

LATE PASTOR OF THE CHURCH OF THE NEW DISPENSATION, CHAPLAIN TO HIS
EXCELLENCY THE PRESIDENT, AND P.M. AT CONFEDERATE x ROADS, KENTUCKY.

HIS IDEAS OF

MEN, POLITICS, AND THINGS,

AS SET FORTH IN HIS LETTERS TO THE PUBLIC PRESS, DURING THE YEAR 1866.

Illustrated by Thomas Nast.

BOSTON:
LEE AND SHEPARD.
1867.

_DEDIKASHUN UV THIS BOOK._

TO

ANDROO JOHNSON,

THE PRIDE AND HOPE UV DIMOCRISY,

Who hez bin Alderman uv his native village,
Guvner uv his State,
Member uv the lower house uv Congress,
And likewise uv the Senit,
Vice President and President, and might hev bin Diktater,
But who is, nevertheless, a Humble Individooal;
Who hez swung around the entire cirkle uv offishl
honor, without feelin his Oats much;
The first public man who considered my
services worth payin for;

AND TO

ALEX. W. RANDALL,
POSTMASTER GENRAL,

His most devoted Servant,
Whose autograph adorns my Commishn ez Postmaster,
_This Volume_

IS RESPECTFULLY DEDIKATED.

CONTENTS.

PREFIS, OR INTERDUCTRY CHAPTER
I.--AFTER THE NEW JERSEY ELECTION
II.--CONVERSES WITH GENERAL MCSTINGER
III.--A REMARKABLE DREAM
IV.--A CHANGE OF BASE--KENTUCKY
V.--ABOLITION IN KENTUCKY
VI.--A CONVERSATION WITH A KENTUCKIAN
VII.--A VISION--SPIRIT OF ANDREW JACKSON
VIII.--A PLAN FOR UP-BUILDING THE DEMOCRACY
IX.--A VISION OF THE NEXT WORLD
X.--A SONNET
XI.--THE SITUATION--THE DEMOCRACY WARNED
XII.--THE PRESIDENT'S 22D OF FEBRUARY SPEECH
XIII.--A WARNING
XIV.--REFUSES TO SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT
XV.--THE PATRIARCHAL SYSTEM
XVI.--A DREAM
XVII.--A KENTUCKY TEA PARTY
XVIII.--A CRY OF EXULTATION
XIX.--A WAIL OF ANGUISH
XX.--MOURNFUL VIEW OF THE SITUATION
XXI.--A PSALM OF GLADNESS
XXII.--A DISCOURSE UPON THE NIGGER
XXIII.--WORKINGS OF THE FREEDMEN'S BUREAU
XXIV.--PRESIDES AT A CHURCH TRIAL
XXV.--MEETING TO INDORSE GEN. ROSSEAU
XXVI.--PREACHES--THE "PRODIGAL SON"
XXVII.--A PLEASANT DREAM
XXVIII.--THE REWARD OF VIRTUE
XXIX.--THE CONVOCATION AT PHILADELPHIA
XXX.--THE GREAT PRESIDENTIAL EXCURSION
XXXI.--THE PRESIDENTIAL TOUR CONTINUED
XXXII.--END OF THE PRESIDENTIAL TOUR
XXXIII.--AT HOME AGAIN
XXXIV.--THE CLEVELAND CONVENTION
XXXV.--AN APPEAL TO THE PEOPLE
XXXVI.--THE OCTOBER ELECTIONS
XXXVII.--MR. NASBY'S OPINION ON THE CAUSE OF THE PRESIDENT'S DEFEAT
XXXVIII.--ANDREW JOHNSON PRESIDENT OR KING?
XXXIX.--A CABINET MEETING
XL.--SERMON ON THE NOVEMBER ELECTIONS
XLI.--A FEW LAST WORDS

PREFIS,

OR

INTERDUCTRY CHAPTER.

There is a vacancy in the mind uv the public for jist sich a book ez
this, else it had never bin published. There is a vacancy in my pockit
for the money I am to reseeve ez copy-rite, else I hed never slung
together, in consecootive shape, the ijees wich I hev from time to time
flung out thro the public press, for the enlitenment uv an ongrateful
public and the guidance uv an obtoose Dimocracy.

I didn't put these thots uv mine upon paper for amoozement. There hezn't
bin anythin amoozin in Dimocrisy for the past five years, and the
standard-bearers, the captins uv fifties and hundreds, the leaders uv
the hosts, hev hed a ruther rough time uv it. Our prominence made us
uncomfortable, for we hev bin the mark uv every writer, every orator, ez
well ez uv every egg-thrower, in the country. When that gileless
patriot, Jeems Bookannon, retired to private life, regretted by all who
held office under him, Dimocracy felt that she wuz entrin upon a period
uv darknis and gloom. The effort our Suthern brethrin made for their
rites, rendered the position uv us Northern Dimocrats eggstremely
precarious. We coodent go back on our friends South, for, knowin that
peace must come, and that when it did come we wood hev to, ez in the
olden time, look to them for support and maintenance, it behooved us to
keep on their good side. This wood hev bin easy enuff, but alars! there
are laws agin treason, and two-thirds uv the misguided people north hed
got into a way uv thinkin that the Dimocrasy South had committed that
crime, and they intimated that ef we overstepped the line that divides
loyalty from treason by so much ez the millionth part uv a hair, they'd
make us suffer the penalty they hoped to mete out to them, but wich,
owin to Johnson, they dident, and wat's more, can't. Halleloogy!

But I anticipate. Twict I wuz drafted into a service I detested--twict I
wuz torn from the buzzum uv my family, wich I wuz gittin along well
enough, even ef the wife uv my buzzum wood occasionally git obstinit,
and refooze to give me sich washin money ez wuz nessary to my existence,
preferrin to squander it upon bread and clothes for the
children,--twict, I say, I wuz pulled into the servis, and twict I wuz
forced to desert to the Dimocrisy uv the south, rather than fite agin
em. When finally the thumb uv my left hand wuz acksidentally shot off,
owin to my foot becomin entangled into the lock uv my gun, wich thumb
wuz also accidentally across the muzzle thereof, and I wuz no longer
liable to military dooty and cood bid Provost Marshels defiance, I only
steered clear uv Scylla to go bumpin onto Charybdis. I coodent let
Dimocrisy alone, and the eggins--the ridin upon rails--the takin uv the
oath--but why shood I harrow up the public buzzum? I stood it all till
one nite I wuz pulled out uv bed, compelled to kneel onto my bare knees
in the cold snow, the extremity uv my under garment, wich modesty
forbids me to menshun the name uv it, fluttrin in a Janooary wind, and
by a crowd uv laffin soljers compelled to take the oath and drink a pint
uv raw, undilooted water! That feather broke the back uv the camel. The
oath give me inflamashen uv the brane and the water inflamashen uv the
stumick, and for six long weeks I lay, a wreck uv my former self. Ez I
arose from that bed and saw in a glass the remains uv my pensive beauty,
I vowed to wage a unceasin war on the party wich caused sich havoc, and
I hev kept my oath.

I hev bin in the Apossel biznis more extensively than any man sence the
time uv Paul. First I established a church uv Democrats in a little
oasis I diskivered in the ablishn state uv Ohio, to wit, at Wingert's
Corners, where ther wuz four groceries, but nary church or skool-house
within four miles, and whose populashen wuz unanimously Dimocratic, the
grocery keepers hevin mortgages on all the land around em--but alars! I
wuz forced to leeve it after the election of Linkin in 1864. Noo Gersey
bein the only state North wich wuz onsquelched, to her I fled, and at
Saint's Rest (wich is in Noo Gersey) I erected another tabernacle. There
I stayed, and et and drank and wuz merry, but Ablishnism pursood me
thither, and in the fall uv '65 that state got ornery and cussid, and
went Ablishn, and agin, like the wandrin Jew, I wuz forced to pull up,
and wend my weary way to Kentucky, where, at Confedrit x Roads, I feel
that I am safe. Massychoosets ideas can't penetrate us here. The
aristocracy bleeve in freedom uv speech, but they desire to exercise a
supervision over it, that they may not be led astray. They bleeve they'r
rite, and for fear they'd be forced to change their minds, whenever they
git into argument with anybody, ef the individooal gits the better uv
them, they to-wunst shoot him ez a disturber. Hence Massychoosits can't
disturb us here; the populashen is unanimously Democratic, and bids fair
to continyoo so.

Here I hope to spend the few remainin years uv a eventful life. Here in
the enjoyment uv that end uv the hopes uv all Democrats, a Post Offis,
with four well-regulated groceries within a stun's throw, and a
distillery ornamentin the landscape only a quarter uv a mile from where
I rite these lines, with the ruins uv a burnt nigger school house within
site uv my winder, from wich rises the odor, grateful to a Democratic
nostril, and wich he kin snuff afar off, and say ha! ha! to, uv a half
dozen niggers wich wuz consumed when it wuz burned, wat more kin I want?
I feel that I am more than repaid for all my suffrins, and that I shel
sale smoothly down the stream uv time, unvexed and happy.

It is proper to state that the papers uv which this volume is composed
wuz written at various times and under various circumstances. They
reflect the mind uv the author doorin a most eventful year in his
history, and mark the condition uv the Dimocrisy from week to week.
Consekently they shift from grave to gay, from lively to severe, with
much alacrity, the grate party seemin at times to be lifted onto the top
wave uv success, and at other times bein down in the trough uv
despondency and despair.

I mite say more, but wherefore? Ez the record uv a year uv hopes and
fears, uv exaltation and depression, it may possess interest or may
not--'cordin to the style uv the reader. Whatever may be its fate, one
thing I am certin uv, to wit: I am a reglerly commissioned P.M.; and
while the approval of the public mite lighten the toils uv offishl life
and sweeten the whisky wich the salary purchases, the frowns uv the said
public can't redoose me to the walks uv private life. They can't frown
me out uv offis, nor frown P.M. General Randall's name off my commishn.

P.V.N.

POST OFFIS, CONFEDRIT x ROADS
(wich is in the State uv Kentucky),
Oct. 1, 1866.

SWINGIN ROUND THE CIRKLE.

I.

After the New Jersey Election, 1865.

SAINT'S REST
(wich is in the State uv Noo Gersey),
November, 9, 1865.

Never wuz I in so pleasant a frame uv mind as last night. All wuz peace
with me, for after bein buffeted about the world for three skore years,
at last it seemed to me ez tho forchune, tired uv persekootin a
unforchnit bein, hed taken me into favor. I hed a solemn promise from
the Demekratic State Central Committy in the great State uv Noo Gersey,
that ez soon ez our candidate for Governor wuz dooly elected, I shood
hev the position uv Dorekeeper to the House uv the Lord (wich in this
State means the Capital, & wich is certainly better than dwellin in the
tents uv wicked grosery keepers, on tick, ez I do), and a joodishus
exhibition uv this promise hed prokoored for me unlimited facilities for
borrerin, wich I improved, muchly.

On Wednesday nite I wuz a sittin in my room, a enjoyin the pleasin
reflection that in a few days I should be placed above want & beyond the
contingencies uv fortune. Wood! oh wood! that I hed died then and there,
before that dream ov bliss wuz roodly broken. A wicked boy cum runnin
past with a paper wich he hed brot from the next town where there lives
a man who takes one. He flung it thro the window to me and past on. I
opened it eagerly, and glanced at the hed lines!

"NOO GERSEY--5,000 REPUBLIKIN!"

One long and piercin shreek wuz heard thro that house, and wen the
inmates rushed into the room they found me inanymate on the floor. The
fatal paper lay near me, explainin the cause uv the catastrophe. The
kind-hearted landlord, after feelin uv my pockets and diskiverin that
the contents thereof wood not pay the arrearages uv board, held a
hurried consultation with his wife as to the propriety uv bringin me to;
he insisting that it wuz the only chance uv gittin what wuz back--she
insistin that ef I was brung to I'd go on runnin up the bill, bigger and
bigger, and never pay at last. While they was argooin the matter, pro
and con, I happened to git a good smell uv his breath, wich restored me
to consciousniss to-wunst, without further assistance.

When in trouble my poetic sole alluz finds vent in song. Did ever poet
who delited in tombs, and dark, rollin streams, and consumption, and
blighted hopes, and decay, and sich themes, ever hev such a pick of
subjects ez I hev at this time? The follerin may be a consolation to the
few Dimokrats uv the North who have gone so far into copperheadism that
they can't change their base:--

A WALE!

In the mornin we go forth rejoicin in our strength--in the evenin we are
bustid and wilt!

Man born uv woman (and most men are) is uv few days, & them is so full
uv trouble that it's skarsely worth while bein born at all.

In October I waded in woe knee-deep, and now the waters uv afflickshun
are about my chin.

I look to the east, and Massychusets rolls in Ablishun.

To the west I turn my eyes, and Wisconsin, and Minnesota, and Illinoy
ansers Ablishun.

Southward I turn my implorin gaze, and Maryland sends greetin--Ablishun.
In New York we had em, for lo! we run a soljer, who fought valiantly,
and we put him on a platform, wich stunk with nigger--yea, the savor
thereof wuz louder than the Ablishun platform itself.

But behold! the people jeer and flout, and say "the platform stinketh
loud enough, but the smell thereof is _not_ the smell uv the Afrikin--it
is of the rotten material uv wich it is composed, and the corrupshun
they hev placed upon it"--and New York goes Ablishun.

Slocum held hisself up, and sed, "Come and buy." And our folks bought
him and his tribe, but he getteth not his price.

NOO GERSEY--ABLISHUN!!

Job's cattle wuz slain by murrain and holler horn and sich, and, not
livin near Noo York, the flesh thereof he cood not sell.

But Job hed suthin left--still cood he sell the hides and tallow!

Lazarus hed sores, but he hed dorgs to lick them.

Noo Gersey wuz the hide & tallow uv the Dimocrisy, and lo! that is gone.

What little is left uv the Dimocrisy is all sore, but where is the dorg
so low as to lick it!

Noo Gersey wuz our ewe lamb--lo! the strong hand uv Ablishnism hez taken
it.

Noo Gersey wuz the Aryrat on wich our ark rested--behold! the dark waves
uv Ablishnism sweep over it!

Darkness falls over me like a pall--the shadder uv woe encompasseth me.

Down my furrowed cheeks rolleth the tears uv anguish, varyin in size
from a large Pea to a small tater.

Noo Gersey will vote for the Constooshnel Amendment, and lo! the Nigger
will possess the land.

I see horrid visions!

On the Camden and Amboy, nigger brakesmen; and at the polls, niggers!

Where shall we find refuge?

In the North? Lo! it is barred agin us by Ablishnism.

In the South? In their eyes the Northern copperhead findeth no favor.

In Mexico? There is war there, and we might be drafted.

Who will deliver us? Who will pluck us from the pit into wich we hev
fallen?

Where I shel go the Lord only knows, but my impression is, South Karliny
will be my future home. Wade Hampton is electid Governor, certin, and in
that noble State, one may perhaps preserve enough uv the old Dimokratic
States Rites to leaven the whole lump.

"I'm aflote--I'm aflote
On the dark rollin sea."

And into what harbor fate will drive my weather-beaten bark, the
undersigned can not trooly say.

Noo Gersey--farewell! The world may stand it a year or two, but I doubt
it.

Mournfly and sadly,
PETROLEUM V. NASBY,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.

II.

A Conversation with General McStinger, of the State of Georgia, which
is interrupted by a Subjugated Rebel.

WASHINGTON, D.C., NOV. 18, 1865.

Sence the November elections I hev bin spendin' the heft uv my time in
Washinton. I find a melankoly pleasure in ling'rin around the scene uv
so many Demokratic triumphs. Here it wuz that Brooks, the heroic,
bludgeoned Sumner; here it wuz that Calhoon, & Yancey, and Breckinridge
achieved their glory and renown. Besides, it's the easiest place to
dodge a board bill in the Yoonited States. There's so many Congressmen
here who resemble me, that I hev no difficulty in passin for one,
two-thirds uv the time.

Yesterday I met, in the readin-room uv Willard's, Ginral MacStinger, of
South Karliny. The Ginral is here on the same bizness most uv the
Southern men hev in this classic city, that uv prokoorin a pardon, wich
he hed prokoored, and wuz gittin ready to go home and accept the
nominashen for Congress in his deestrick.

The Ginral wuz gloomy. Things didn't soot him, he observed, and he wuz
afeerd that the country wuz on the high road to rooin. He hed bin absent
from the Yoonited States suthin over four yeers, wich time he hed spent
in the southern confederacy. When he went out the Constooshnel Dimocrisy
hed some rites wich wuz respected. On his return wat did he see? The
power in the hands uv Radikals, Ablishnism in the majority everywhere, a
ex-tailor President,--a state uv affairs disgustin in the extreme to the
highly sensitive Southern mind. He had accepted a pardon only becoz he
felt hisself constrained to put hisself in2 position to go to Congress,
that the country might be reskood from its impendin peril. He shood go
to Congress, and then he should ask the despots who now hev control,
whether,--

1. They spozed the South wood submit to hoomiliatin condishns?

2. What Androo Johnson means by dictatin to the Convenshuns uv sovereign
States?

"Why," sez he, "but a few days ago this boor hed the ashoorence to write
to the Georgy Convenshun that it '_must not_'--mark the term--'MUST NOT
assoom the confedrit war debt.' Is a tailor to say '_must not_' to
shivelrus Georgy? Good God!--where are we driftin? For one, I never will
be consilliated on them terms--never! I never wuz used to that style uv
talk in Dimekratic convenshuns.

"Ez soon ez I take my seet in Congris," resoomed he, "I shel deliver a
speech, wich I writ the day after Lee surrendered, so ez to hev it
ready, in which I shel take the follerin ground, to wit:

"That the South hev buried the hatchit, and hev diskivered that they
love the old Yoonion above eny thing on earth. But,

"The North must meet us half way, or we wont be answerable for the
consekences. Ez a basis for a settlement, I shell insist on the follerin
condishens:

"The Federal debt must be repoodiated, principal and interest, or ef
paid, the Southern war debt must be paid likewise--ez a peece offerin.
The doctrine uv State Rites must be made the soopreme law uv the land,
that the South may withdraw whenever they feel theirselves dissatisfied
with Massachusetts. Uv coarse this is a olive branch.

"Jefferson Davis must be to-wunst set at liberty and Sumner hung, ez
proof that the North is really consilliatory. On this pint I am
inflexible, and on the others immovable."

An old man who hed bin listnin to our talk, murmured that there wuz a
parallel to this last proposishen.

"Where?" demanded the Genral.

"The Jews, I remember," replied he, "demanded that Barrabas be released
unto them, who wuz a thief, I believe, and the Savior be crucified, but
I forgit jist how it wuz."

The Genral withered him with a litenin glance, and resoomed:

"I shel, uv course, offer the North suthin in the way uv compensation,
for the troo theory uv a Republikin Government is compermise. On our
part we pledge ourselves to kum back, and give the North the benefit uv
our kumin back, so long ez Massachusetts condux herself akkordin to our
ijees uv what is rite. But ef this ekitable adjustment is rejected, all
I hev to say then is, I shell resign, and the Government may sink
without wun effort from me to save it."

I wuz about to give in my experience, when the old man, who wuz sittin
near us, broke in agin:

"My name," sed he, "is Maginnis, and I live in Alabama. I want to say a
word to the gentleman from Karliny, and to the wun from Noo Gersey."

"How," retorted I, "do yoo know I'm from Noo Gersey, not hevin spoken a
word in yoor hearin?"

"By a instink I hev. Whenever I see a Sutherner layin it down heavy to a
indivijouel whose phisynogamy is uv sich a cast that upon beholdin it
yoo instinktively feel to see that yoor pocket-handkercher is safe, a
face that wood be dangerous if it had courage into it, I alluz know the
latter to be a Northern copperhead. The Noo Gersey part I guessed at,
becoz, my friend, that State furnished the lowest order uv copperheads
of any uv em. Pardon me ef I flatter yoo. But what I wanted to say wus,
that I spose suthen hez happened doorin the past 4 years. I was a
original secessionist. Sum years ago I hed a hundred niggers, and wuz
doin well with em. But, unforchunitly, my brother died, and left me ez
much more land, but no niggers. I wanted niggers enuff to work that
land, and spozed ef cut off from the North, and the slave-trade wuz
reopened, I cood git em cheaper. Hentz I seceshed. Sich men ez Genral
McStinger told me the North woodent fight or I woodent hev, secesht, but
I did it. I went out for wool and cum back shorn. I seceshed with 100
niggers to git 200, and alas! I find myself back into the old
government, with nary a nigger.

"But all this is no excoose for talkin bald noncents. Yoo old ass," sed
he, addressin Genral McStinger, "yoo talk uv wat yoo will do, and what
yoo wont. Hevent you diskivered that yoo are whipped? Hevent you found
out that yoo are subjoogated? Are yoo back into the Yoonyun uv your own
free will and akkord? Hevent yoo got a pardon in yoor pockit, which
dockyment is all that saves yoor neck from stretchin hemp? Why do yoo
talk uv wat South karliny will and wont do? Good Lord! I recollect about
a year since South karliny would _never_ permit her soil 2 be pollutid
by Yankee hirelins, yit Sherman marched all over it with a few uv em,
and skarcly a gun was fired at em. So too I recollect that that sed
State, wich wuz agoin to whip the entire North, and wich wood, ef
overpowered, submit gracefully and with dignity to annihilation, and
sich, wuz the first to, git down on her marrow bones, and beg for peace
like a dorg. Ef yoo intend this talk for the purpose uv skarin the
North, beleeve me when I say that the North aint so easy skared ez it
wuz. Ef its intendid for home consumption, consider me the people. Ive
heard it before, and I'll take no more uv it until my stumick settles.
It makes me puke. The fact is we are whipped, and hev got to do the best
we kin. We are a goin to pay the Federal debt, and aint goin to pay the
confederet debt. Davis will be hung, and serve him rite. States rites is
dead, and slavery is abolished, and with it shivelry; and its my opinion
the South is a d----d sight better off without either of em. I kin
sware, now, after livin outside uv the shadder uv the flag 4 yeres, that
I love it! You bet I do. I carry a small one in my coat pocket. I hev a
middlin sized one waved by my youngest boy over the family when at
prayers, and a whalin big one wavin over my house all the time. I hev
diskivered that its a good thing to live under, and when sich cusses as
yoo talk uv what yoo will and wont do under it, I bile. Go home, yoo
cusses, go home! Yoo, South, and pullin orf your coat, go to work,
thankin God that Johnson's merciful enuff to let yoo go home at all
insted uv hangin yoo up like a dorg, for tryin to bust a Guverment too
good for yoo. Yoo, North, thankful that the men uv sense uv the North
hed the manhood to prevent us from rooinin ourselves by makin sich ez
yoo our niggers. Avaunt!"

And the excited Mr. Maginnis, who is evidently subjoogated, strode out
uv our presence. His intemperit talk cast a chill over our confidencis,
and we dident resoom with the ease and freedom we commenced with, and in
a few minutes we parted. I didn't like him.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.

III.

A Remarkable Dream.--A Country settled exclusively by Democrats.

WASHINGTON, December 1, 1865.

Last nite I was the victim uv another dream. Ef I don't quit this
explorin the realms of the fucher in my sleep, I shall become a second
Saint John. Ef so, I maik no doubt my revelations will be uv a
remarkably startlin character.

Methawt the Ablishnists had asserted the power we diskivered they
possest, after the late elecshuns, and had gone the whole figger. They
had forced the South into the humiliashen uv allowin niggers to testify,
and in the Northern states had given em the elective franchise. Uv
course the edecated and refined democrasy wood never consent to be
carried up to the polls alongside uv a nigger--uv course no Democratic
offis-seeker wood hoomiliate himself to treatin a nigger afore a
election, it bein a article uv faith with us never to drink with a
nigger, onless he pays for it.

Therefore, bein helpless, and resolvin never to submit, the heft uv the
Democrasy determined to emigrate in a body to some land where the
Anglo-Sackson cood rool,--where there was no mixter of the disgustin
African. Mexico wuz the country chosen, and methawt the entire party, in
one solid column, marched there. Our departure was a ovation. The peeple
on our route wuz all dressed in white, ez a token uv joy, and from every
house hung banners, with inscriptions onto em, sich ez,--

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