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Timothy Templeton - The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth

T >> Timothy Templeton >> The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth




"On attempting to mount the stairs hung at the side, Commodore
Shubrick, standing on the quarter-deck, let drive a fish-ball, which
he held in his hand, and struck the Admiral a little below the left
eye. The Admiral, nothing daunted, ran up the steps, his officers
following close behind, and seized the Commodore by the hand, and gave
him such a shaking as made him tremble again. General Gore, on
reaching the 'poop,' was grossly insulted by the first lieutenant of
the Princeton, who, in the most cool and deliberate manner, told him,
if he would come below, he would give him 'something to eat.'

"The General, in reply, said he would like to catch him at it. And to
show his courage he went below, when one of the middies at the foot of
the companion-way took aim at the General with a champagne bottle, and
let drive the contents into the General's glass. The Mayor of Halifax,
and members of the Corporation, got into a skirmish with the
marines. It seems that Alderman Nugent asked the boatswain, in a
sneering sort of way, if they had any turtle on board. The answer was,
'No--but we've got turtle soup, if that will do for you.' The Mayor
stepped up, and said he would rather have turtle soup than _fish_ any
day. The boatswain answered that he was tired of hearing so much said
about fish. For his own part, he didn't see anything in fish to fight
about. If it was mutton, he was on hand for anybody. One word led on
to another--by this time the steamer was crowded from stem to
stern--until at length there was a general row; every man became a
body corporate, and pitched into himself with right good will.

"The ladies got snappish on account of their husbands, and in turn
pitched into the officers of the Princeton with their--eyes. The
sailors were piped to quarters. Pistols were freely used. The 'big
guns' were charged and fired, doing much damage to the feelings of the
company, in the way of compliments. In short, it was the greatest
battle ever fought in Halifax harbor, real or _sham_. After
quarrelling in this way, until eight o'clock in the evening, and
destroying all the eatables that could be found on board the
Princeton, the invaders retired, and left the Commodore and officers
to their reflections. The retreat was effected in _gallant_ style--so
say the ladies. It is said that the Commodore has sent a despatch to
Washington, informing the authorities of the insult received. We
earnestly entreat that our American contemporaries will fully discuss
this serious matter, on account of the honor of the 'stars and
stripes,' to say nothing of the 'fish story.'

"'Now, Mr. Pierce, in this manner was a very grave question--the fish
question, in which many millions had been spent for the purpose of
pleasing diplomacy--put through a course of settlement. When will the
wisdom of the two most free and enlightened nations of the earth
devise some plan of mutual compromise, by which the interests of their
subjects may be settled without giving to pedantic diplomatists the
means to for ever keep alive an international agitation, which can
only give out food for the very smallest of demagogues? We cannot and
must not quarrel with Uncle John; no, our birthright, our
freedom-loving spirit, our indomitable energy, our kindred
institutions, and the interests of our commerce, should make stronger
the bonds of peace. We must, in defiance of that pitiable ambition of
political tools, who so interrupt the harmony that should exist
between nations kindred in spirit and interests, continue our friendly
relations. Let England lay aside her restrictions on commerce; let her
apply to a better purpose those millions spent in useless attempts to
enforce the observance of laws which only serve to cripple her
energies; and let a policy mutually liberal serve to elevate that
international forbearance which is the father of the greatest good,'
thought I. At this juncture, Mr. Pierce's black pig, always found
where he was not wanted, was discovered in the after cabin, which he
disputed with every one who attempted to enter, until at length it was
voted that I should capture him, and convey him safely home to
Mr. Pierce at Washington:--which, be it understood, was done, though
not without a struggle."


THE END.

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